Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
So Its been about 5 years since I have been on here and I have a lot to update.
I left my previous relationship of 9 years. I felt like I have known this person since I was 14 years old and now, or at the time, that I was 26 years old I didnt feel like I liked him anymore. The love faded and I felt like my preference for men has changed. I prayed to meet someone that I was really into and was attracted to since for the last year or so I wasnt into or attracted to my previous boyfriend.
I found someone. Even after 2 years everytime I look at him I get so giddy!!! I feel like a high schooler drooling over a pop star sensation, except he was mine and Im so happy. I had children by this man which made the love even more concrete. I have a 12 month old and Im due with my second on July 29th, 2014. My life took a drastic turn for the better and I couldnt be happier.
What I didnt realize is that the man I fell in love with is a Leo. Never dated a Leo man before and Im a Leo woman so we bump heads a lot. Im not use to letting a man lead the house hold. I didnt grow up with a father and Im used to handling everything in the house since I feel its more of my domain. Since I have been with my boyfriend, Ive had to learn how to let a man lead and that its ok to do that. I cant bust a mans balls for trying to create a home with me and provide for his family. I still hold on to myself though. I will never let a man have FULL control especially since I am an incest survivor, its not going to happen. Ive noticed though that his line of work, sound engineer, keeps him busy alot. He only seems to have time for his kids and his work. Im pretty much left to get the scraps of his time. I didnt mind it at first. He is a hard worker and I am able to be a stay-at-home mom because he wants my first experience with my children to be great and my kids need me. But I cant help but feel like something is wrong with that. He is so busy he doesnt tend to my personal feelings about things.
He has one child by another woman who is 10 yrs old and he takes care of her other 3 children, 13-15-20, because he grew up with them since they were babies. He dedicated himself to these kids since their fathers left them and Im happy he is a man of his word to kids that are not his. I had a problem at first but every child needs a dad and he dedicated himself to the babies. He is busy with them too. So really its nothing but 4 children in another state and the 2 I gave him. 6 kids and his job as an engineer. Engineering takes alot of your time. He has 12-16 hour days sometimes depending on his work load. So with all his business, the kids and his job, I get the short end of the stick. Its like he wants me to handle myself and my situations without him because he already has enough on his plate to worry about. Or atleast thats wht it feels like. Again, I am reasonable. But it gets to a point where I dont even feel like we are connected as a couple anymore. I feel like Im just a girl taking care of his kids.
With his ex wife, she used him alot and he has problems with her. She sometimes uses their daughter to get what she wants from him and I feel bad because he is taking care of 3 other kids that are not his plus the 1 that is his and I dont feel she should be busting his balls for anything. So I feel he has women issues already and is not trying to get too involved with me or my situations because he feels I might hurt him? Im trying to figure this out. I just want to understand him and our relationship more so I can better deal with this. Is this the life of an Engineer?? Is he just too busy to deal with other things that I can handle?? Is he hiding his feelings about his past and is scared to get to close?? I dont know. Im just here I guess. Dealing with it and taking care of my children. I hope this gets better because I'm not the one to stay just because of kids. I love him and I will support my hard working boyfriend but Im not going to be set aside or made to feel like Im a job he cant work right now.
Lets se how this goes....
I left my previous relationship of 9 years. I felt like I have known this person since I was 14 years old and now, or at the time, that I was 26 years old I didnt feel like I liked him anymore. The love faded and I felt like my preference for men has changed. I prayed to meet someone that I was really into and was attracted to since for the last year or so I wasnt into or attracted to my previous boyfriend.
I found someone. Even after 2 years everytime I look at him I get so giddy!!! I feel like a high schooler drooling over a pop star sensation, except he was mine and Im so happy. I had children by this man which made the love even more concrete. I have a 12 month old and Im due with my second on July 29th, 2014. My life took a drastic turn for the better and I couldnt be happier.
What I didnt realize is that the man I fell in love with is a Leo. Never dated a Leo man before and Im a Leo woman so we bump heads a lot. Im not use to letting a man lead the house hold. I didnt grow up with a father and Im used to handling everything in the house since I feel its more of my domain. Since I have been with my boyfriend, Ive had to learn how to let a man lead and that its ok to do that. I cant bust a mans balls for trying to create a home with me and provide for his family. I still hold on to myself though. I will never let a man have FULL control especially since I am an incest survivor, its not going to happen. Ive noticed though that his line of work, sound engineer, keeps him busy alot. He only seems to have time for his kids and his work. Im pretty much left to get the scraps of his time. I didnt mind it at first. He is a hard worker and I am able to be a stay-at-home mom because he wants my first experience with my children to be great and my kids need me. But I cant help but feel like something is wrong with that. He is so busy he doesnt tend to my personal feelings about things.
He has one child by another woman who is 10 yrs old and he takes care of her other 3 children, 13-15-20, because he grew up with them since they were babies. He dedicated himself to these kids since their fathers left them and Im happy he is a man of his word to kids that are not his. I had a problem at first but every child needs a dad and he dedicated himself to the babies. He is busy with them too. So really its nothing but 4 children in another state and the 2 I gave him. 6 kids and his job as an engineer. Engineering takes alot of your time. He has 12-16 hour days sometimes depending on his work load. So with all his business, the kids and his job, I get the short end of the stick. Its like he wants me to handle myself and my situations without him because he already has enough on his plate to worry about. Or atleast thats wht it feels like. Again, I am reasonable. But it gets to a point where I dont even feel like we are connected as a couple anymore. I feel like Im just a girl taking care of his kids.
With his ex wife, she used him alot and he has problems with her. She sometimes uses their daughter to get what she wants from him and I feel bad because he is taking care of 3 other kids that are not his plus the 1 that is his and I dont feel she should be busting his balls for anything. So I feel he has women issues already and is not trying to get too involved with me or my situations because he feels I might hurt him? Im trying to figure this out. I just want to understand him and our relationship more so I can better deal with this. Is this the life of an Engineer?? Is he just too busy to deal with other things that I can handle?? Is he hiding his feelings about his past and is scared to get to close?? I dont know. Im just here I guess. Dealing with it and taking care of my children. I hope this gets better because I'm not the one to stay just because of kids. I love him and I will support my hard working boyfriend but Im not going to be set aside or made to feel like Im a job he cant work right now.
Lets se how this goes....
but then of course you have the vines too, like his ex, who cling on to the one thats doing all the growing and strangle them till they just cant do it anymore
he does have a lot on his plate and you do need to be understanding of that, and you are, but that doesnt mean he cant make more time for you and your kids (and he might once the new baby is born too)
i suggest that you sit down and talk with him... start the convo by saying 'i know you have a lot on your plate and i dont want to overwhelm you, but...' and then tell him how youre feeling, that you need a little more from him... make sure he understands that you arent asking for his full attention every second of every day, just a little bit more
ask him if you can help him with anything hes got on his plate before you ask him for help with whats on yours... you may be able to help him re-organize his time usage so that you get more of it and he has more of it to spread around
maybe ask him for 1 day a week thats all yours... or even just an hour a day... or whatever balance works between you two
maybe ask him to take you away for a short vacation from time to time
what youre asking for is not unreasonable...
guys in his situation often dont see that they're spending their time incorrectly... and gently reminding him that he needs to reorganize his time can really go a long way, especially if you tell him you want to help (and then actually do help)
i know that'll be more difficult with a second child tho
i also agree that its good for one person to let the other lead, when they know where they're going... and i think its great that you let him... just dont forget, there are times when youre the best one to lead... seeing the difference can be tricky, but thinking about each situation before reacting to it is a great thing (but i think you have a handle on that one already)
i hope this has been of some help
*hugs*
and congrats on the new baby!! :))
thats why im suggesting a reorganization of times... so maybe he can get a lil break and have time to think about the things hes been missing
*hugs* good luck!