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Please help...I don't know where to begin, but I have been divorced from my very abusive ex-husband for 24 years now. We have a daughter who is now 25 and a son who is now 24. My ex husband spent the last 23 years in jail due to drug sales. Due to his abuse (physical, sexual, and emotional) I have a permanent restraing order in my divorce decree.
Here's the problem. since he's been out for the last two yars my father has employed him. Yes, he works for my father. I told my father that I do NOT want this man in my life. Although I am remarried and live in my own home, I like to visit with my mom who is 83 and can't get out like she used to. There have been times when I went by to visit with my mom and my father had my ex over to help with someting around the house.
I have let him know because of the awful memories of his abuse I don't care for him to come around like that. I feel my father has betratyed me and I feel disrespected my marriage by allowing my ex to come around like this. My being his daughter should mean more than having a "good" worker.
I always cringe whenever I go by to visit my mom and he's there.
Also our children as I mentioned are grown adults so they can visit him on thier own.
Please I don't know how to handle this...should I just not go by to see my mom or what????
Here's the problem. since he's been out for the last two yars my father has employed him. Yes, he works for my father. I told my father that I do NOT want this man in my life. Although I am remarried and live in my own home, I like to visit with my mom who is 83 and can't get out like she used to. There have been times when I went by to visit with my mom and my father had my ex over to help with someting around the house.
I have let him know because of the awful memories of his abuse I don't care for him to come around like that. I feel my father has betratyed me and I feel disrespected my marriage by allowing my ex to come around like this. My being his daughter should mean more than having a "good" worker.
I always cringe whenever I go by to visit my mom and he's there.
Also our children as I mentioned are grown adults so they can visit him on thier own.
Please I don't know how to handle this...should I just not go by to see my mom or what????
Does your father know how you feel? If so, then yes this would be a huge betrayal. If not, then perhaps your father was manipulated by your ex?
How do your children feel about their father? If they dislike him as much as you do, then perhaps you can get one of them to go with you when you visit your mother.
How is your mother doing? If she is alert and all that (you did not say how she is doing) then perhaps she can help you avoid your ex. If she gets around, perhaps you can meet her when your ex is not around, or maybe she can meet you some place other than their home.
Hope this helps!
by the way, you might want to repost this on the main board, it will get more notice there.
Can you make it very clear to your mom and dad that you will not visit when your ex is around and call them to arrange a time to visit when he is not ther?. If you arrive and your ex is there, leave. You need to make your boundaries very clear.
You deserve to have an ex free life.
To PepperMan Yes I have discussed this with my father he says he hired him to help with his grandchildren, but they are 24 and 25, they have their own incomes.
Our children are glad their father is out however they have some animosity since he's been away for so long.
My mother is limited to getting out she has diabetes and problems walking because of her knees. She can't even drive any more shes 83.
To darkenheart...Your right I either call ahead or leave if he's there or stay away. He's not there all the time but too often. I just feel if anyone abused my child so severly that they went to the hospital and had to get a restraining order I wouldn't have NOTHING to do with them EVER.
I thank you both for this advice.
Thanks again