Depression Support Group
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It's sunday, so some bad religious memories----that's what Sunday means to me.
My idiot dad, who got drunk all day Saturday, never missed a Sunday at church, 8 miles away. He would drag me along, including to the annual church business meeting, that would take an hour or two. As though it would have been so terrible for me to stay home that Sunday----instead of me having to sit in the car an hour or two, after church, on some winter day.
I still remember, decades later, seated in the car, on a long, empty, street, waiting for the meeting to end. It's only decades later, a few years ago, to even think how cold hearted this was, with the neighbors probably wondering why some strange kid was seated in a strange car for an hour or two.
My idiot dad, who got drunk all day Saturday, never missed a Sunday at church, 8 miles away. He would drag me along, including to the annual church business meeting, that would take an hour or two. As though it would have been so terrible for me to stay home that Sunday----instead of me having to sit in the car an hour or two, after church, on some winter day.
I still remember, decades later, seated in the car, on a long, empty, street, waiting for the meeting to end. It's only decades later, a few years ago, to even think how cold hearted this was, with the neighbors probably wondering why some strange kid was seated in a strange car for an hour or two.
I also have very bad memories concerning my "father" and religion.
There was horrific abuse during my childhood.Inflicted on me and my siblings by both of my "parents".
HOWEVER, every Sunday the TV would be set to one of the religious channels.
I was overwhelmingly confused by this.
As a child, I just couldn't understand......................
To be honest, I still don't........................
I hope you are able to heal from this.
((((((((HUGS))))))))
My other idea is that mom has a mental block and cannot see how mean and judgmental she is.
His answer was "all are welcome here, even child abusers". It didn't answer my question but it's all I got.
Then a few days later I receive a phone call from my mother - who had Never called me before and she said she wanted to apologize. I asked her what for and she said she had no idea, but the pastor told her to say sorry so she was saying it.
She felt no guilt for what she'd done, but was merely obeying the pastor, Her apology was meaningless. I never spoke to her again and that was 30 years ago.
Also after Church we had to report for work duty. We had inspections when our work was done. Dad was x-military. I lived in fear of him my entire childhood and this wreaked havoc on me in my adult life.
I really didn't like Sundays!
My worst religious nightmare, I do say religious because I feel spiritual in nature. I don't care much for the church but do love and beleive in Christ.
I had been going to this church for years. I was in all the clubs and had a great time. One day one of my teachers and her family were taking me home. (yes I went alone, my family did not go). Anyway, something surprised me and I hollered "God Dang!". My teacher got all over me and how she could not have that language around her children. They never came to pick me up for church again. I mean I loved those people. I kept waiting and waiting for them to come get me week after week and I finally gave up. I can see now how that may have not been a good word to use, but to dump a struggling child over it. I don't think so. Anyway, that is it.
I try to be as rational as I can about religion but where I live the mainstays of support are found in church-houses. But yea, I know what you mean about religion.
I'm just barely in the Christian faith. I augment my religion with the rationality and soothing words of the Buddha and also of the Bahavahd Gita.