Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Two cops rush to a crime scene behind a grocery store. The homicide detective is already there.
"What happened?" asks the first cop.
"Male, about thirty, covered in Raisin Bran and dead as a doornail."
"Oh my God," says the second officer. "Didn't we have one covered in Frosted Flakes yesterday? And Captain Crunch last week?"
"You're right. I'm afraid," said the detective as he took a drag from his cigarette,
"this is the work of a cereal killer ! "
"What happened?" asks the first cop.
"Male, about thirty, covered in Raisin Bran and dead as a doornail."
"Oh my God," says the second officer. "Didn't we have one covered in Frosted Flakes yesterday? And Captain Crunch last week?"
"You're right. I'm afraid," said the detective as he took a drag from his cigarette,
"this is the work of a cereal killer ! "
A priest, a rabbi and a lawyer walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this, some kind of a joke?"
What do you do with an elephant with 3 balls?
Walk him and pitch to the rhino.
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriff's Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense.
Deputy says, "License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What for?"
Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign .."
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket."
Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir."
At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"
bartender says " im sorry but i cant serve u"
mushroom says " why not? im a fungi"
u wanted corny
He got Towed!
Trivial Pursuit
A young man was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. When it was his turn, he rolled the dice and he landed on 'Science & Nature'.
His question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
He thought for some time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
The bear sniffs the rifles then sets off after them.
One of the hunters stopped, opened up his backpack and quickly puts on a pair of tennis shoes. His buddy looked at him and said, "What are you doing? Are you crazy? You can't outrun the bear!"
To this the hunter said, "I know, all I have to do is outrun you!"
A neutron walks into a bar and asks "How much for a drink?" and the bartender replies "For you? No charge."
I remember this one when at school aged 6, by the teacher:
How can you tell if an elephant has been in the fridge ?
Footprints on the butter.
Shoot the lawyer twice and take your chances with the snakes.