Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I am a martial arts athete. I have trained everyday for the last 6 years. I do everything my trainer says ang never miss a training. I use to feel great. My sport was the best thing in my life. Maybe the only thing that was truly mine because of my choice and not my parents. I used to feel my team as my family and my federation as my family. But it all went wrong when I failed in the last performance test in front of the federation judges. I failed big time. My chech was suspended for 4 months. I know I should be just getting over it but I make my trainer responsible for my failure, I feel he failed me, that he didn't train me well. I feel rejection when I think of training and my superiors now inspire me distrust. I cry and I feel nauseated when I think about taking the test again. I feel I failed to my teacher, to my team, to my federation, to my sport and to my state. I feel a failure. I feel my trainer does not train well so I feel hopeless, I feel there is no case in training any more. I am stuck with my trainer because he is the only one in the island I live. I am too old to change to another sport. I really liked this one. I just want to cry and let go alone in my bed... I can't talk about this because I feel ashamed to share about my failure. They won't understand. My trainer said, we will talk, and that I must see my defects and solve them. I felt he will never understand how I feel. He is very old and I don't know if he is thinking clearly. I am so sad I came here looking for help. Please anybody with a similar experience help me, will I ever feel good again? Will I loose everything I worked for all these years? Oh my, I am lost here.
The sad reality, of course, is YOU "failed" the test, whatever "failing" means. We can't walk without stumbling a little. I think your trainer is right: it's just a stumbling block. You go back, try to figure out what went wrong, and work to fix it.
Beyond that, cut yourself a little slack and let up on your relentless perfectionism. After all, martial arts is supposed to, in addition to teach you self-defense, spiritually center you, and it's supposed to be FUN, good exercise!
You're on the right track! Keep at it! If Chuck Norris can still do martial arts in his 70s, you're not too "old"!
I do feel dependency for my trainer, he is after all the closest thing to a dad I have ever had. The harder part comes to me from watching others pass tests and you stay because you don't have it yet.
I practice Aikido by the way, it is the opposite to karate and other martial arts.
I am not ready to admit I failed because I really really gave all I had, it is just not fair. Yes, I am working to improve with a new routine, harder training, another friend is helping me train and gain resistance outside my regular classes which means I spend a lot of time training and are tired most of the time. But I hope it will help me. I have a new test in a couple months.
I am on a special diet too and have been strictly forbidden to have sex (I really don't get that but they know, and I don't have time to do it in any case lol) and I am drinking water like a fish, a lot that is.
The bottom line here is thanks for answering and reading. I feel a little better now.
Maybe Akido is not your game? Surely there are lots of other martial arts that your body, mind, spirit and talents would be more perfectly suited to? Of course, that would mean starting from the ground up again, but I thought I'd throw it out there.
No sex? Hmmm...those Asians are a lot like Christians, in the sense of foregoing all carnal, physical pleasure to attain some sort of spiritual nirvana/purity. Maybe something to that...
Anyway, even if you're not mastering this particular skillset, the fact is you're getting great exercise and are spiritually centered, with a focus and a purpose! Delight in that! Definitely keep with it.