Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
OK SO SINCE THE LAST I WROTE ANYTHING ALOT HAS HAPPENED. MY STEPDAD PASSED AWAY IN AUGUST AND AFTER A FEW DAYS I BROKE UP WITH MY G/F BECAUSE I JUST HAD TOO MUCH OF HER BULLSHIT. I LOST MY APT AND WAS SORTA HOMELESS...I WAS IN A POSITION WHERE I FELT I HAD NO WHERE TO GO OR TURN TO. SO I ASKED MY DAD FOR HELP AND DECIDED TO MOVE BACK TO NEW MEXICO. IT WASNT EASY . AFTER 2 WEEKS OF BEING IN NEW MEXICO MY UNCLE WHO WAS IN TEXAS PASSED AWAY IN NOVEMBER WHICH I FOUND HARD BECAUSE HE WAS MY FAV UNCLE ON MY MOMS SIDE. WELL BEING IN NEW MEXICO NOTHING MUCH WAS HAPPENING FOR ME OVER THERE. I STAYED IN CONTACT WITH THE SOCIAL SECURITY TO GET THE BALL ROLLING ON GETTING DISABILITY ETC. I GOT SNAP AND FINALLY AFTER 3 MONTHS GA. DURING THIS TIME I WAS KEEPING MYSELF BUSY WITH PAINTING AND MAKING BOTTLE CAP NECKLACES ETC. I WAS SELLING THEM AND I WAS DOING OK. BUT DAD WAS STRUGGLING FINANCIALLY AS WELL. SO I COULDNT REALLY SAVE ANY MONEY. AND MY PURPOSE WAS TO GET A CAR. MY GRANDPA ENDED UP LENDING ME 700 TO GET A USED CAR TO GET ME AROUND N STUFF. BUT WHEN WE FINALLY FOUND ONE IT DIDNT QUITE WORK OUT. BUT ANYWAY I WAS IN NEW MEXICO WITH DAD AND FRUSTRATED AS HELL BECAUSE HE WOULD COMPLAIN AND BITCH ABOUT THE SAME SHIT OVER AND OVER AND THERE WAS JUST NOTHING FOR ME THERE. I DUNNO IT WAS TUFF. SO ANYWAY I WAS THERE ALMOST GOING ON 4 MONTHS. THEN OUT OF THE BLUE MY FRIEND ASKED ME IF I WAS WANTING TO MOVE TO LOUISIANA TO BE THE NANNY FOR HIS KID..AND THAT IT WAS GONNA BE WTIHIN A WEEK. AND BEING THAT I DIDNT FEEL I WAS GOING ANYWHERE IN NEW MEXICO I DECIDED SURE WHY NOT. A NEW PLACE A NEW BEGINNING BLAH BLAH BLAH. WELL I'M HERE IN NEW ORLEANS NOW..HAVENT REALLY GONE OUT AND EXPLORED MUCH BECAUSE AGAIN NO VEHICLE OF MY OWN. BUT I FEEL WORSE HERE. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO ONE...NO FAMILY NO FRIENDS. AND LIVING WITH MY FRIEND IS DIFFICULT. HES VERY OVERWHELMING AND HYPER AND JUST COMES OFF AS A VERY STRONG PERSONALITY AND ITS HARD TO DEAL WITH BECAUSE I STRUGGLE WITH ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION ETC. I DONT FEEL GOOD ALOT OF TIMES AND HE DOESNT UNDERSTAND I DONT THINK. I TRY AND TELL HIM....BUT MOST OF THE TIME I JUST HIDE IT. I'M IN MY ROOM CRYING OR FEELING BAD AND LONELY AND DEPRESSED UGH...I DUNNO....SO I THINIK EVEN THO I WAS BUMMED IN NEW MEXICO I JUST MAY GO BACK. I'M UNCERTAIN THO. I GUESS IF I FIND A REASON TO STAY HERE IN LOUISIANA THEN IT WILL HELP. AND AS ALWAYS IT COMES DOWN TO ME NEEDING TO GET HEALTHY I THINK...I REALLY ABSOLUTELY NEED TO JUST WORK ON MYSELF. I NEED TO QUIT SMOKING I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT. MY FRIEND THINKS I SHOULD GET ON MEDICATION. BUT I'M SCARED TO. BAD EXP. IN THE PAST. HE HAS A CAR HES GONNA SELL TO ME FOR 500 ONCE HE GETS IT RUNNING WHICH IS GREAT. I'M VERY APPRECIATIVE FOR THAT. BUT I KNOW HE HAS TO UNDERSTAND THAT I CANT BE OR STAY SOMWHERE I'M NOT HAPPY. I NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHAT I NEED TO DO WITH MY LIFE. I'VE BEEN SINGLE ALMOST 5 MONTHS NOW AND MY EX ALREADY FOUND SOMEONE ELSE. GOOD FOR HER. BUT I HAVE TO ADMIT NOT HAVING SOMEONE FOR MYSELF MAKES LIVING HERE MORE UNBEARABLE. I THINK I NEED TO SEEK COUNSELING. I HONESTLY THINK MAYBE GOING BACK TO SCHOOL WILL DO GOOD. BUT I DUNNO WHAT TO GO FOR REALLY. I DONT HAVE THE DRIV E THE ENERGY OR MOTIVATION TO DO ANYTHING. I NEED ALL THAT TO GET ME IN BETTER SHAPE BUT STILL ITS HARD. AND THERE ARE THOSE PPL WHO SAY I'M COMPLAINING TOO MUCH OR IF U HATE UR LIFE DO SOMETHING ABOU T IT BLAH BLAH BLAH BUT SERIOUSLY MAN FUCK THEM...I MEAN PPL TAKE THINGS DIFFERENTLY AND HANDLE THINGS DIFFERENT. NO ONE KNOWS HOW I'M FEELING AND WHAT ITS DOING TO ME PHYSICALLY/MENTALLY. I GET SCARED....I FEAR BEING AWAY FROM MY FAMILY AND THAT ONE DAY SOMETHING HAPPENS TO THEM AND I DUNNO. ITS ALWAYS BEEN A HUGE FEAR OF MINE AND IT JUST GOT OR IS GETTING WORSE. WHY CANT I JUST BE HAPPY AND CONTENT AND LIVE MY LIFE DAILY...YA KNOW.....AND HERE LATELY I'M THINKING BOUT SUICIDE N SHIT. I MEAN I DONT THINK I'D EVER DO IT BUT THE THOUGHT COMES IN FROM TIME TO TIME. BECAUSE NO ONE REALLY KNOWS WHAT THESE THOUGHTS ARE DOING TO ME. I'M FRIGHTENED. AND I'M SO VERY LOST.
You said you were scared to get on meds because of a bad experience in the past. I don't know how involved that was, or how bad the experience was, but I would encourage you to really give some serious thought to trying meds again. They can really help you focus, and of course they ease the worst pain so that you can get more clear on what's wrong in your life that you can change.
The other thing you mentioned -- counseling -- is also a great idea. I would put counseling and meds as your #1 priority. Don't worry about quitting smoking or losing weight right now. Don't make big goals -- that's something we depressed people do and then when we can't achieve them, we feel even worse. Take it one step at a time. Meds, counseling. One or both. You need to figure out what is most important to you in life.
It's no fun to be single sometimes but until you take care of yourself, you won't be a good partner to anybody else. I suggest staying in New Orleans for now (what a great city -- I went to college there), getting the car from your friend, finding a counselor and/or getting on meds. I couldn't tell if you got disability or not, but once your mood improves maybe you can begin to look for a new place to live (in NO ... I think moving back to NM will just add more frustration and feelings of defeat.)
One last thing; it's kind of hard to read posts written all in caps, so you might want to write in lower-case when you post again. :)
{{{hugs}}}