"I have a friend that, overall, is a great friend, very supportive."


As long as this is true...take her for what she is. Some people just have very busy lives and it's hard to carve time out for meeting up with friends or chats.

I think of anger as less a sign of "over-reacting" and more of a sign that "I should change something".

So what can you change here? Perhaps you're looking forward a bit too much to seeing her?

That's hard to change, (I've been in that situation), but perhaps if she doesn't show, wait around for 3 minutes...then go off to do something else.

Perhaps always have a backup? IDK...can you think of something?

When you're feeling less angry and more calm, you could talk to your friend about how you're feeling in an open and honest way.

It's reasonable to expect someone to let you know when they'll be very late (say over 10-15min) or going to cancel an outing. A quick text doesn't take much time or effort on anyone's part and it can really make all the difference.

Again, I would have this conversation when you're feeling calm, because as you said, this friend is otherwise a good and supportive friend.

Wishing you peace <3

I agree with everyone else on this one. Don't be quick to jump to conclusions and try to bring it up to her when you aren't upset. Otherwise you might say something you regret. Express what your concerns are and go from there. Sadly sometimes people drift apart. And if that's the case you have to accept that but if life is just hectic you have accept that as well. Get all the facts and address them first

@jane800, I am sorry that your friend is not treating you fairly. I can see how that would be frustrating. Have you tried telling her how you feel regarding your observation of the her change in behavior? Its best to get all the true facts before making any quick decisions. Sending encouragement and hugs. :)

Thank you for the advice! I tried to talk to her about it. Her response was basically that I wasn't being considerate of her job obligations. While it's partly true that I didn't fully understand how her job was affecting these latest stand-ups, this has long been a pattern in our friendship. While I don't think she's a toxic person, she tends to let me figure out for myself that plans have changed or been cancelled. For example, the last time she was near we got together, then made plans for breakfast before she left. She got behind in packing, though, never showed up, and didn't tell me that she wouldn't be able to make it. I thought it was better to try to address the problem instead of letting it fester, which I tried to explain to her (also apologizing for possibly hurting her feelings). She hasn't responded yet. Like I said, she is very supportive if I go to her with a problem. But if I'm in a good mood and just want to chat with a friend, it's like trying to rope the Northern Wind.

That's Understandable. Just express to her you would appreciate a quick message she will be late or can't make it. No need to explain, just for a heads up. That isn't to much to ask for. Express you understand she gets busy and life is hectic. All your asking for is 2 seconds to message that she will be running behind. And then you need to convey that you won't pry. You will simply acknowledge. That way she won't feel that she will be confronted. Give and take. I wish you the best of luck through it all

I always end up at the same place...Oprah's (from Maya Angelou): "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." It appears that she cannot or will not meet your totally understandable need to just chat with her.

If she doesn't normally appear late and doesn't normally cancel, then maybe there is something going on in her life that is causing her much stress but it's something she can't share yet.

If you sense you are being used somehow, or you're her charity case, then it's a question of focusing on you and putting yourself first.

Just communicate with her and ask why she was so late/why she cancelled. Considering the other person's perspective helps us to not over-react and get mad. I've had to work hard to bear in mind the perspective of others.