Thinking about my first love today- the one that is presummed dead- i say this because i really don't know and can't bring myself to find out if its true or not- i still love him... i added his pic to my profile - be warned he is not what anyone would call good looking- my family said he was fugly and looked like a serial killer- but i love that man with everything i have ! been on my mind lately and today he is really there- wish i could hear him call me "Cuddles " one more time... and also wish i could feel his arms around me and here him say- you are my Babe and i love you.... but it will never happen- its like i hold on to this thought that someday he will magically appear at my door and say i love u and i'm so sorry i was gone for so long....some days i sit on my bed in my room and just stare out the window hoping to see him driving up the road and pulling into my drive.... he is the one person who always made me feel safe and loved even when he was on the road working and i was all alone... he was always with me.... i still want him and no relationship i've had or will ever have can compare to the connection we had and i wish we still had.... i remember telling him i'd love him now and forever- and i meant it- i still do- he is really the man i want to be with- i just wanna scream i'm right here- come find me - rescue me from my lonliness- but my voice gets caught in my throat and i all i can do is cry..... i miss u Andy i miss you ! i just pray God is taking care of him since i can't.....