Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hey everyone,
I'm new to DS and I've been reading a lot of you in different groups and I've automatically have felt some relief in knowing a site like this exists where there are others going through similar things yet completely different issues and processes of life. I would described myself as someone that looks and seems to have their life together, but the older I get (recently turned 30) life situations and inconveniences such as moving cities, getting a new job, having no real friends in this new city, having stopped working out as of one year and just yesterday breaking up with someone after 4 months- it all has just reminded me of how much I've been neglecting myself and how empty I feel. These feelings have always been in my life in some sort of way, but it is always right after I end a romantic relationship that it all hits me in the face once again. I do feel lonely, not the type of loneliness of not having a partner, but empty in my soul. Does not matter how many material things I buy, it does not matter how well I am doing in my professional life or how much my family loves me; I feel empty. As of lately I've been revaluating my life in all aspects in a way that I become so emotionally exhausted because it feels like I'm beating myself up in a way. I am empty, yet the voices in my head do not stop, my conscience or however you would like to call it. I understand I was born alone and that I will die alone and I'm fine with that, but it is just knowing that having a life without meaningful connection is where I am missing experiencing feeling "alive" in a way. For the most part I feel dead inside. I am aware that it might be not having any hobbies at the moment besides gaming my life away for my brain to not think of how I truly feel. Then again, I see this as a very unhealthy coping mechanism, alongside having a romantic relationship and making that the "light" in my life. I do not have suicidal thoughts or self harming thoughts. For the most part I do put a persona just to get through the day and I'm always counting the hours to go back to my cave where I'm unbothered.
I want to apologize for me ranting right now and being a little over the place with what I'm going through, but letting it all out might be a first step. IM TERRIFIED of life passing me by and feeling like I haven't lived. Time is precious, but I feel stuck as if I'm not becoming a better version of myself with no energy to put some effort into finding meaning in my life. I do not expect to find happineed, but would like to find meaning in my life and a glimpse of happy moments provided by such meaningful life.
Thank you to all of you for reading all of this. It makes me feel better to know I'm not alone in this constant search of a better self and better quality of life. I always like to remind myself that "this too shall pass" and it will. Blessings to all of you!
I too spent years trying to answer that question myself.
From all of the information i have read, discussions I've had with people, and observations i have made...i realized a few things about "meaning".
I think that finding something meaningful in your life is finding something that gives you satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment. But that could quite often change.
For example as a 5 year old... something meaningful at five might have been meeting Elmo. Lol. Or at 16 and being able to drive alone and go wherever you want. Or at 21... landing a job that you always wanted.
Each age...n each life circumstances causes use to redefine what is meaningful to us. It can change, be something big or little, etc.
Right now what gives my life meaning is connecting with friends over spirituality and learning new things, finding moments of joy each day, giving someone else joy, and helping others.
I think you are incredibly insightful and are able to take a very honest inventory of your life... that in itself is a great ability.
I think we grew up being told that have a good education, great job, a spouse, and 2.5 kids... was the guarantee of happiness and from that we will derive purpose and meaning. Granted... if we believed in that...we may have neglected what WE actually wanted n needed and now look around thinking... where is that prize? That feeling i was promised?
You're definitely not alone in this feeling... and yes... unhealthy coping mechanisms is all we seem to have.
I know now... in order for me to have a fulfilling life...i need to connect w others...i need to give and receive love, not be obsessed w romantic love being the only kind of meaningful love, and moments of joy. I need to practice gratitude.
So the question is what are some things u think can contribute meaning for you right now? Make a list of those and try to put forth a little effort each day to achieve those things.
Sending you light n love !
The moving, the lack of hobbies right now and the break up will all contribute to you feeling down. Break ups tend to be difficult, it's just how they are.
You fear life passing you by. That is natural, especially if you have self-isolated yourself in your cave as you. I can empathise with that, I have done that all my life and still am guilty of it to an extent now. Life without a sense of meaning is difficult. I have wandered aimlessly since I entered adulthood and am now on a path that won't lead to fulfilment but is necessary to live.
You are young, despite how you may feel about your age. I'm 29 and feel like an old man at times but we are young. Find some purpose. Have you ever travelled? It can be good for opening your eyes and helping discover yourself. Even if that fails it's a fun time, offers a temporary distraction and if you do a group travel tour it provides you with the opportunity to make connections. I made a few friends when I did one.
Feeling lost is one of the worst feelings there is. I hope you find some meaning and purpose, don't stop looking for it. Keep smiling and have a try to have a good weekend.
I was on top of the world, having won a Fulbright Scholarship to go do research in South America on my dissertation. That's when I suppose my mind decided it was safe to take all of the traumas I'd survived as a missionary kid out of hiding.
I got hit with them all at once and it literally bowled me over. I ended up on the floor of my living room with an ash tray in my hand dressed in my bathrobe and chain smoking. I got in a support group, got a therapist, and got a psychiatrist in a hurry and with no qualms about stigma or what others would think.
I won honors for that dissertation, and I went on to publish a book based on that research, too. But the real accomplishment of them all was taking the lid off of all of that trauma I'd been hiding inside for so long. I could be the real me, warts and all. It was an incredible relief.
Lavender80 "I know now... in order for me to have a fulfilling life...i need to connect w others...i need to give and receive love, not be obsessed w romantic love being the only kind of meaningful love, and moments of joy. I need to practice gratitude." This has moved me, because this sums it all for me. Such statement has been a clear picture of mine in the past year or so, where I've decided to accept who I am despite having put such a strong persona and I've been trying to let myself feel. On the other side of the spectrum, I've encountered many individuals who are simply not ready to match such wavelength and now I'm also in the process of accepting that that too is okay. I am a firm believer that our minds are very powerful and in a way we are able to attract things and experiences in our lives with our thoughts and therefore effort in some occasions is needed too. I guess my current state is a combination of life's different struggles, where most have been put under the rug for many years while I loaded myself with coping mechanisms that were lacking substance. A meaningful life for me needs to have substance. I am highly uninterested at this point in anything that lacks such thing. This is a process I will start on my own, since I know deep cleaning must happen from within so I can attract and match the things my heart truly yearns once they come around.
Deo-Volente
I will put effort to not be so comfortable in my cave. Part of my sadness and loneliness has been provided by it if I'm honest. We are young and there is much life out there indeed and even within ourselves. Im also understanding that it is okay to be alone, to treat yourself because if I'm unable to spend time in solitude and enjoy myself, how can I have good spirit and energy when around others? A strong bond with myself has to be cultivated and I feel that would be a good place to start.