Now that my meds are adjusted and have had time to kick in, I daily or weekly assessment of myself. I've noticed I have sudden changes in mood. I can be somewhat ok and within minutes or within hours become very agitated and very critical (sometimes angry but not violent). This can last for days or even weeks (very hard to live with). Then suddenly within one day I can become elated and this will last a day or even more than a week. Then, within minutes or a little longer, my mood will suddenly drop to very low where I cry very easily, sometimes about nothing. I'll start thinking about death and suicide or want to hurt or cut but don't do it. (I get anxious about this because I fear I'll go back to being like I was this spring, extremely depressed and on the verge of doing final harm to myself.) Then, within days to a bit over a week or two of depression, I'm back to being somewhat ok again. This whole scenario was very extreme when I first started meds for major depression. Now that I'm more stable, its not as severe. It does remind me of various times during my teens, late 20's, 30's and 40's when I knew nothing about depression and mood disorders. The incidents during those periods were more intense than what I am experienceing right now, but not as bad as what I had this spring. They were not violent in nature at times I felt compelled to act out not normal behavior. My family has no idea of the extent of my feelings or moods because I was very good at "hiding" myself--I was just "moody" sometimes. I'm afraid if I reveal all of this to my Psych or therapist that I'll be told I've had more than just depression. My instincts tell me it might be but I want to ignore it. Does this sound like some type of bipolar or other mood disorder or could I just be moody and occasionally depressed. Am I kidding myself? Your thoughts/advice would be appreciated a great deal.
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