Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I am now 21 years old. I started dating a guy when I was 16, and we were together until last year. I say last summer. He'd say last fall.
Throughout the relationship, especially in the last two years, he treated me pretty crappy. He put me down a lot, treated me like I was stupid, and basically used me. Every little small argument we would get into turned into "the last fight" with him threatening to break up with me every time.
He also spent my money like there was no tomorrow, but acted like it was my fault I was always broke. And he never held a job for more than a month, if that. He probably worked maybe a total of 3 months in our entire 4 year relationship.
I put up with his crap for so long, I just got used to it. I got cut off from family and friends, started "eating my feelings," and missed out on a lot of good opportunities, for jobs, other relationships, etc.
I know I'm jumping around right now, but this is how my mind is working. lol
Anyway, through most of the relationship, I stayed because I thought I couldn't do any better. There were two events that really contributed to the end of us, more than anything. The first was last June when he "broke up" with a mutual friend of ours, Brad . The worst part of the situation, was that Brad and I originally weren't that close, but after they stopped talking, we really bonded, and got very close. Well over the course of the summer, he forced me to stop talking to Brad . I snuck around, and kept trying to keep in touch with him. The whole situation stressed me out to no end. The second event was when I met a friend of Brad's and my other friend's. We texted for a while and then decided to meet. The whole time I was with him, the ex, was calling me and yelling at me and insulting him. We were basically broken up at this point, but he didn't wanna believe it. Well one thing led to another and we ended up fooling around, just making out and stuff like that, no sex, the first day we met. I saw him once after that, before my ex found out. He then forced me to try to get answers out of the guy, who had already gotten back together with his ex. He was relentless, and made me say things that I really didn't wanna say. I believe this made the guy think I was crazy, which suck, cause he would have been really nice to have as a friend. I still have to give him credit though for showing me that I could do better than the asshole.
That was pretty much the end of me wanting to be with the ex anymore, and I started talking to other guys. There were a few that looked like they were gonna take off, but never did, possibly because I was still hanging out with the ex. finally I met the guy I am with now. He is very very sweet, but we live about an hour away, so its kind of stressful. The one major problem in our relationship, is that I am screwed up from being with my ex. Anytime he gets grumpy or something, which is normal, I flashback to the ex, and his last fight mentality, and get really upset. I think this is stressing him out a lot. And thats stressing me out too. Im so scared Im gonna lose him. I just feel so crappy about everything. I have absolutely no motivation to do anything.
I have more to say, but I dont wanna be too overwhelming.
My question is am I depressed? Or something else?
Throughout the relationship, especially in the last two years, he treated me pretty crappy. He put me down a lot, treated me like I was stupid, and basically used me. Every little small argument we would get into turned into "the last fight" with him threatening to break up with me every time.
He also spent my money like there was no tomorrow, but acted like it was my fault I was always broke. And he never held a job for more than a month, if that. He probably worked maybe a total of 3 months in our entire 4 year relationship.
I put up with his crap for so long, I just got used to it. I got cut off from family and friends, started "eating my feelings," and missed out on a lot of good opportunities, for jobs, other relationships, etc.
I know I'm jumping around right now, but this is how my mind is working. lol
Anyway, through most of the relationship, I stayed because I thought I couldn't do any better. There were two events that really contributed to the end of us, more than anything. The first was last June when he "broke up" with a mutual friend of ours, Brad . The worst part of the situation, was that Brad and I originally weren't that close, but after they stopped talking, we really bonded, and got very close. Well over the course of the summer, he forced me to stop talking to Brad . I snuck around, and kept trying to keep in touch with him. The whole situation stressed me out to no end. The second event was when I met a friend of Brad's and my other friend's. We texted for a while and then decided to meet. The whole time I was with him, the ex, was calling me and yelling at me and insulting him. We were basically broken up at this point, but he didn't wanna believe it. Well one thing led to another and we ended up fooling around, just making out and stuff like that, no sex, the first day we met. I saw him once after that, before my ex found out. He then forced me to try to get answers out of the guy, who had already gotten back together with his ex. He was relentless, and made me say things that I really didn't wanna say. I believe this made the guy think I was crazy, which suck, cause he would have been really nice to have as a friend. I still have to give him credit though for showing me that I could do better than the asshole.
That was pretty much the end of me wanting to be with the ex anymore, and I started talking to other guys. There were a few that looked like they were gonna take off, but never did, possibly because I was still hanging out with the ex. finally I met the guy I am with now. He is very very sweet, but we live about an hour away, so its kind of stressful. The one major problem in our relationship, is that I am screwed up from being with my ex. Anytime he gets grumpy or something, which is normal, I flashback to the ex, and his last fight mentality, and get really upset. I think this is stressing him out a lot. And thats stressing me out too. Im so scared Im gonna lose him. I just feel so crappy about everything. I have absolutely no motivation to do anything.
I have more to say, but I dont wanna be too overwhelming.
My question is am I depressed? Or something else?
How do you feel? I mean, it's so different for everybody, it's hard to just ask if you're depressed.
Worrying about your current relationship, I wouldn't necessarily say that sounds like depression. I think it's normal to be a little nervous in a relationship when your last one was so long, and so screwed up.
Just try and remember that this is a NEW relationship, NEW guy, and has absolutely NOTHING to do with your ex. He might have made you nervous, but he didn't damage you for life. You can reclaim your brain and acknowledge that while he did some things that were wrong, it's all in the past, and it has NO power over you now.
Big hugs to you, and I hope things turn out well :)
I am 51, so I am going to give you a mother's point of view. Stop rolling your eyes. :)
You are so young. It is not up to anyone else, ever, to make you happy.
This is the one, true, secret to life.
If you can learn this one, true, secret, I can assure you that you will be able to have a lovely life.
No matter how many great boyfriends, or bad boyfriends or great girl friends or bad girl friends you have in your life time, it is not their job to fulfill you.
Find what makes you happy. Find your passion, your joy. Do you like to stay in and read, or are you out going and love to dance?
Once you learn that you have the power to make yourself happy, you WILL be happy. And, you will be magnetic to others, as well.
But it won't matter, because you will have an inner peace. Again, it doesn't happen in a day, or a week, or a month or a year.
But it does start with one step, and the courage to seek your own joy and happiness.
(((((((((((((((((STOP ROLLING YOUR EYES AT ME))))))))))))))
;)
((((((LOVE)))))
Possibly. I would say you are at least 'gun shy'. That was a long, drawn, and bad experience with ex. It is bound to have some kind of effect on you.
>>Or something else?
See above.
I think you should talk to your 'new guy' and tell him that the previous relationship was so long and difficult, you are a bit 'jumpy' and that you regret that it might be effecting your relationship with him. Point out that you are aware of it, and working on it.
THEN ..concentrate some meditation on the fact that it was a DIFFERENT GUY .. and the situation was very different from now. Think about how different the new guy is from the ex .. and try to get your head to move from the past into the present.
Maybe in doing that .. you can release some of your anxiety caused from the past .. so that it does not effect the present.