Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Steve1984 10/13/2019

I'm not one of those who invests a lot emotionally in many people. Last count was 4 and due to a crappy childhood none of those are family, who i could frankly take or leave, preferably leave. This does mean i invest a lot in those few important ones.

My best friend (let's call him Ben) and I always just clicked. we talked all the time, has similar life experiences and knew everything about each other. Last year his wife kicked him out but we never found out why, so he came to live with me and my husband. I did my best to support but not smother if you know what I mean. Things were fine for maybe 4 months and then he started a relationship with a new woman and gradually got extremely secretive and withdrawn. It took maybe 6 months before if even met her, he'd already basically lived with her for 4 months but never clarified with me what was going on with living arrangements. Left his room a complete shit tip which I ended up cleaning. One of the most hurtful things was one weekend he was going away and parked his car outside my house didn't tell us or say hello, left it there and then picked it up the next day, again not a word. He was 50 feet away and couldn't be bothered to come in and say anything. I have tried to sort this with him.I write emails, messages, we've met up and tried to work through it but then he just goes straight back to ghosting me. This year I've probably seen him a max of 10 times and maybe 1 of those was instigated by him. I'm stuck in this loop of being so angry with him to really upset and questioning my self worth to thinking i should just cut ties to end the question mark and stop hanging about hoping for contact. Then I wonder if I'm being unfair and expecting too much. Just to be clear its not about the new relationship, met her and she's lovely. She's as puzzled by his behaviour as me. I can't keep being so conflicted with this.should I accept relationships change? Do i keep trying to mend things, but then it's all one sided. Do I just cut ties to protect myself. Problem is he's 1 of 2 people i couldn't imagine my life without.

Please help me

Steve1984 10/13/2019

Hi Angel. Thanks for the reply. Part of the problem is that now I feel really isolated as I've got nobody to talk to. Which has me circling round about self worth cause why don't i? I probably spoke more to him about my problems than my husband. Now I don't have that vent.
And quite frankly it feels like someone's died but with the added anger and hurt cause he's doing this.

invisablefriend 10/14/2019

If you want to departmentalize your relationships., he sounds like a friend that you could expect to have your back, vice versa when needed?

Steve1984 10/14/2019

Hi invisablefriend. Not sure I understand. I have been there for him, for many years and he was for me. It just now seems to have stopped. I understood he would need some time and would struggle after his relationship trouble but he seems happy in his new one, not that i'd know these days if he wasn't.

invisablefriend 10/14/2019

I meant some people you can count on when you need a friend during the hard times and other people are just friends and he would probably be a during the hard times friend.

Steve1984 10/14/2019

But how is he supposed to know when the hard times are when he's ghosting me, he has one other very long term friend and he's doing the same to her so I know it's not just about me. Doesn't stop me feeling like crap though.

Yard_Eggs 10/14/2019

Relationships change, dynamics change.

The dynamics of your relationship have changed.

You can either accept that for what it is or continue to twist yourself up by questioning the situation.

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