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Always feeling guilty it seems.

wolfdreamer2013
wolfdreamer2013
Hi have you every had the expierence where you feel you can not do anything or say anything right?This is basically how I feel and have for alot of my life.I do not know if this comes from past expierence or just due to the people who are in my life.I am really trying to turn my life around or to me I feel I am trying.I am in college to try and eventually get me a job were I no longer have to be on disabilty.And I am doing pretty good in school.But it never seems to be enough for myself or anyone else.I know I should not be worried how others feel about what I say or do.But when these are people in your life who you love and care about its hard not to care.Even if these people do not seem to want to love me or care about my feelings I do still love them.I realize everyone has their struggles in their life.But I feel like I am constantly out of breath and can not catch my second wind.Not because I am a very busy person.It is just a feeling I am tired and my body hurts and I just want to sleep.I know my coping skills suck.So I have tried working on it by getting out and being active.And then I would think I would feel better but I dont.I try to enjoy the sunshine and because of the medication I have to take it makes me sick and I burn easily.Yea I know I am rambling and I am sorry to all reading this.Just never seem able to enjoy life or the people in it.Makes me feel like everyone will eventually walk out of my life.And I would not blame them.Feeling sad.Jerrie
PinterestFan
PinterestFan
Congratulations on your success in school.

There's so many people who have no desire to live and let live, but take pride in "working" the group, manipulating others into resenting
who they resent. It takes a while, but eventually people come around, more often that not. Most people have at least someone they can't stand based on someone else's influence.

When you share good news with critical people, they almost never respond in a good way. After a while, it's just not worth it. We can't always trust everyone we love to have our best interest at heart.

I'm sharing a site with you -- I absolutely love the honesty and the way the columnist calls out this vindictive woman who is pretending she hasn't done anything wrong.

Sending good thoughts.

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http://imgur.com/ByBfmNt
gramybear
gramybear
You should be so very proud of yourself. How many people can feel as you do and continue to go to school? I remember when I went to adult school for awhile until my pain wouldn't allow it any longer, and I just felt so good about myself. I hope you will learn to love yourself as well. You deserve it. It sounds like there is a lot of negativity surrounding you. I hate to hear that. I do understand how that can bring you down. But as long as you have the self respect, motivation, and love for yourself, it doesn't matter what others think of you. I love quotes so I'm going to close with one for you:

1. You can't change how people treat you or what they say about
you. All you can do is change how you react to it.

Hugs GB
wolfdreamer2013
wolfdreamer2013
Thank you for the reponse I appreciate it.Hugs to both of you.I seem to allow my life to over whelm me alot and then instead of allowing the positive people in my life be close to me I end up pushing everyone away it seems.I regret doing this and do realize I have a big issue of pushing people away who do care.I am hoping to start allowing people who do care and there are ones who do love.But I think the ones who do truelly love me I expect to much from them and when they can't keep up wth me being so needy and changing my mind constanly I get upset with them.So I do realize alot of my problems I cause myself.Hopefully within time from working on my problem and realizing the problem I will imporove how I treat people.For now I need to work on my own slef esteem and learn how to love myself and the people who do care and really love me.Again thank you.Hugs.Jerrie
gramybear
gramybear
It seems that we always push away those that love us the most. That is human nature. Don't be hard on yourself about it. The best part is that you acknowledge that you do it. That is the first step to change. Hugs GB
deleted_user
deleted_user
I definitely know the feeling of guilt you're describing, Jerrie, and certainly have been in a place where I thought "everyone will eventually walk out of my life." I think in part--at least for me--this came from my unintentional fixation on my negative/perceived-as-negative acts/traits.

That said, one approach that began to help me with this was to try to adjust my thinking away from what I disliked about myself and toward what I liked/what I would like to be. I don't know you, naturally, at this stage, but you seem like an intelligent, insightful, thoughtful person who has genuine concern for others (congrats on school, by the way!). Maybe, provided you don't find it bothersome, you could help me out and add to the list of your positives or goals? For example, might I ask what you'd like to pursue in or after college?