Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Im sorry if this doesnt make much sense a lot of this has been bottled up for a long time now
I grew up in an unstable household for the first ten years of my life until my mom commit suicide. My parents would drink and argue every night and we had a terrible bedbug infestation. The only way of escape for me was my grandmas house, which me and my dad moved into soon after my moms death. We had a large family but soon most of them left or died out too. At a certain point it was just my grandma, dad, and I living in the house. Things were hard but I was thriving academically, even had dreams of getting into Yale freshman year. Once the summer of sophomore year hit though my dad started drinking off the rocks and losing his mind. He wasnt the same and I started watching myself fall behind. I had to leave therapy because he lost his job and we lost healthcare and then a year later he left us for a girl then died a few weeks later. Its been a year since then (im 16) and although I wasnt doing the best before Ive watched myself spiral out of control. My friends knew he died and watched me struggle and distance myself but didnt say anything or try to support me and I would feel like a bother reaching out to them. At the same time not a single one of them offered me a hand when I was struggling they just watched me go and accepted it. I just feel so alone now and Im in an unhealthy relationship with a boy who doesnt seem to care but Im afraid of losing someone else and Im afraid of being alone so I dont want to leave. To make things better my alcoholic cousin who steals, lies, and freeloads moved in soon after because my dad was the one that kicked him out but he isnt here anymore. Now my grandma and cousin argue all the time and day to day life is a struggle to get through. I have assignments piling up and Ill be beyong lucky if I get into a decent college and it just seems unfair the way life pans out. All of this isnt even the tip of the iceberg either and everything is too much especially being alone in quarantine. I feel overwhelmed and like too much is going wrong at once idk.
I am not a very empathic individual; I am more a pragmatist. So I am not really able to offer you emotional support, although I am sorry you are experiencing difficult times.
I am not one to "sit in my shit", I have to be pro-active and make positive changes, rather than wait for someone to "make everything better" .
So it is with my sincerest apologies, and best intentions that I offer my pragmatic thoughts.
When things feel lil "too much is going wrong at once", rather than see it all as one big ball of shit that is overwhelming and completely unmanageable and hopeless, I find it more effective to dissect the situation and find small solutions for individual issues. That way you can have small victories and successes which encourage and motivate you to achieve more.
1.) I am sorry for the lost of your parents. Just as you had difficulty reaching out to friends during your time of need, it is just as difficult for your friends to reach out to you. One never knows the "right thing to say" so usually just say nothing. As difficult as it is, it is imperative that you reach out (as you did with the post). A simple "I need to talk" can open doors of communication, not only with friends, but with teachers, counselors, mentors. Perhaps there is a favorite teacher who might be able to steer you in the right direction?
2). On the academic level, again go to your school counselor or mentor. Let them know what is going on and ask for help getting back on tract with your studies and assignments. At this time in your life, the MOST important indicator of future long-term success is your academic history. Make your education your priority. And even if you don't make it to Yale, work hard, earn scholastic scholarships, and further your education. Education is knowledge, knowledge provides options and options give POWER. And that POWER allow YOU to control your future happiness.
3) Which leads me to relationships. Which should not be a priority now, especially if it is an unhealthy relationship. An unhealthy relationship only makes things worse. No boyfriend is better than a bad boyfriend. Don't get pulled further down the road of unhappiness by staying with someone who isn't good for you, just because you don't want to be alone. Bad relationships only lead to lowered self-esteem, and eventually, you will begin to feel that you don't DESERVE a good guy, a good education, a good college, a good life. Staying in an unhealthy relationship doesn't solve anything and actually will decrease any momentum you have with other "small victories".
Just approach one issue at a time, do what you can, appreciate the small victories.
I hope I have been able to help, even just a little bit. Sorry I'm not more "lovey and huggy", but I pray you find your way out of this and find a happy future.
Yard
I am sorry for your losses. I can't imagine what that's like.
Friends - I don't think your friends know what to do. I think back at being 15/16 and I really wouldn't know how to console a friend who's seen and been thru so much tragedy. I think when kids see something they don't know what to do about, they just naturally take a step back. It's not b/c they don't care...they aren't emotionally mature enough to console someone who's been thru that, unless they are more mature...or been thru something similar. Reach out to your friends, and let them know what's going on. Having someone listen, is also great.
As for the boyfriend situation - You will learn, when you get older...we often seek partners that are similar to our parents and our dysfunctions with them. We try to win the love we never got with our parents thru them. The sooner you learn this the better. You shouldn't be with someone who doesn't care about you. It will only bring you stress and anxiety over an already stressful and anxious living situation. You deserve better. You deserve someone who makes you feel heard, seen, and safe. If you start dating someone and they don't make you feel this way...the sooner you let them go the better. Being alone is better than being with an asshole.
As for your living situation - Fighting and arguing cousin..and the instability it brings is very very toxic home life. I had a chaotic home life when I was growing up. Parents were always fighting and my dad drank. What I did do was close my door...put head phones on and concentrated on my studies.
That was the only thing I could control. If your cousin becomes violent, call the cops and have him removed.
As for your education - It's time to focus and get those assignments done. You've done some procrastination b/c of all the other issues floating around you. So if you can just hunker down and get them completed, you will feel much better and accomplished.
You might not get into a decent college, but getting into ANY college could be a good way of moving on from a toxic home life. You have 1 or 2 years left of high school? That was what kept me focused. I could not wait to get away from home...and went to a college at least 6 hours a way from my hometown.
You have to treat your education as your primary focus. You are blessed with intelligence and that is going to see you thru alot of things. Focus on what you can control at the moment.
Stress from quarantine - If you could even just walk around your neighborhood for 10-30 minutes each day, that will help you, or find something online to workout too. Coming on this forum and chatting with others can help too. Do something creative everyday...and realize you are NOT ALONE!!!
And you're right life is not fair. The sooner you realize this the better. But...life can be better...and it will be better for you. You have the ability to change that, rather than wallow in the bad and keep yourself stuck.
Your parents weren't able to overcome their addictions and problems here on earth , but you have to feel that they are watching over you and wanting the best for you.
I am telling you all this...b/c it's what i wanted to hear as I made my way free from a toxic home. When things seem impossible, hard, and no one was there to tell me I could...I told myself I could.
Confide in a teacher, counselor, or anyone you trust. There are many of us who care...and I am here if you ever want to message me.
You are going to make it through...and your life will get better I promise. Work hard, accept things for what they are, and change the things you can...and never ever lose HOPE.
Very proud of you! Sending you light and love!