living, I did something similar after 15 years of marriage, except I didn't actually have sex with the man. It is hard to stay faithful when you lose communication & intimacy. I understand & do not judge you. Evidently, God wants your baby to be born. Don't punish yourself too much like I did. I really hurt myself & my husband, & punished myself for almost 2 years. My marriage is still in bad shape, but I wont do that to myself again (have an emotional affair) (hugs)

P.S. Maybe your hubby will come around after a while.

thank you for your reply. He says there is no way he will raise another persons child and that if he could have been out quicker, he would... but his lease on his apartment starts in June... seven years, the man who is the world to me, gone... All my family is out of state too so I am alone, I have very few friends here.. I am punishing myself, very much and am hurting, yes.. I am glad you and your husband worked through it... the one thing we know now for sure from this is communication is key... just too much pain right now.

Take care of yourself for your baby's sake. Stress during pregnancy is not good. Everyone sins & makes mistakes, you are only human.

Everything happens for a reason. You can't love your husband (I'm sorry) or this affair wouldn't have happened. That just seems like a fact to me.

This seems un repairable to me. You will have to let your husband go and let your life play out how it is meant to play out. Of course it hurts and you feel guilty, but these feelings will pass. You will have a baby to take care of now...one your husband would probably struggle very much with acceptance of you and the child. I'm sorry this happened...but it has happened for a reason..you may know the reason someday.

The MOST innocent in this story ... is the baby. Keep that in mind. Give your love to him/her.

Thank you all for your comments. I agree, the baby is innocent and I am trying to take care of me to in turn take care of baby... part of why I came on here for support. My family all lives out of state, and they loved him so much too, that I feel this news really hurts them and it feels so "conditional" or so much judgment reaching out to them... all parties involved have much healing to do. As far as loving him, I know I do but the distraction got in the way. One of my friends did tell me surely if it was meant to be, nothing would have or could have come in the way. Sometimes I felt like with the lack of communication and intimacy he was not the one to be in a relationship with but never knew how to break it off without losing his friendship.. because there was so much laughter, silliness that I know only he understood-- our special humor.. and then knowing he was there was always comfort and love... its true, husband would have hard time accepting the child. it would always be a rift... but man... why then... we wanted a family of our own so bad, but he stopped being intimate and that just put everything on wrong path..

but this baby daddy came along... and it makes less sense.. as when I met him he was in a lot of hurt due to circumstances in his life.. and I couldn't ignore helping him.. through money, gifts, to lift him back to his feet. then came the pregnancy. I tried to give him time to accept it happened, step up, say something... but mostly it was saying sorry... I know its traumatic for him too... but so crazy how someone can just say sorry and walk away. I told him fine then looks like I'm doing this on my own and regret that... if anything he will text me sometimes to say he hopes I'm doing well...

so yes... I am hoping one day to see the meaning, reason in all this. it is terribly painful currently and I appreciate the support as I believe it will help me in healing... but to lose someone I love, and have a child on the way looks like most likely alone... has me in deep depression and crying... just wishing life didnt take this turn and wondering why... crying, praying and seeking understanding..

hypothetical scenario:

Woman ... pregnant BY HER HUSBAND. Husband loses life to accident. Grieving soon to be Mother meets NEW man. He is crazy for her and her beautiful soon to be child. Marriage follows.... and all three live blissfully.

Point being ... depending on how you handle this, .. your life can turn out 'just fine'. Set some priorities ... deal with them, and BE OPTIMISTIC. It is NOT 'all over'.

It sounds like you are missing the relationship with your husband that you had in the beginning. You are obviously a woman who doesn't give up on anyone. Remember that your husband had a role in this too...alienating someone from communication and intimacy is cruel. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like this other guy is ready for a real relationship either. You are a loving, caring and forgiving woman. Try this...picture what you would say or do if you met a girl in the same circumstances as you. What would you say to her? What would you do? Then give yourself the kindness and compassion you would have so naturally given that girl. Allow yourself to grieve the relationship and begin to build anew.

You will get thru this...it doesn't seem like it now and I think it would be normal to be remorseful....sad..depressed...crying.

As you know I agree with your friend...if it were meant to be nothing would have came between you and your husband. It hurts....when we mess up. But, the baby...may bring you the greatest joy you have ever had in your life. And if you feel you are unable to love the baby because of the resentment of losing your husband over this...than you would also have to consider giving the baby up for adoption as well right?

So much to think about...you have to be overwhelmed...my heart really does ache for you...I have made some horrible mistakes in my past that are still biting me in the ass.....its no fun....its no joke....its very serious....so take care of yourself and do what is best for you and for the baby.

Sorry you had to find out that as much as you were there for your "friend" that got you pregnant he isn't really there for you...coward...and sorry "pig"....because if he really cared for you..he'd be willing to step in....seems it was one sided...you caring for him and his feelings....JERK...I wouldn't respond to his texts for a while...you obviously if you keep the baby will have to have contact with him...but for now....chill him off a bit.

yeah I probably would tell someone in the same place to try and make it work, with at least one of the men. Its hard to think of the other, when I am still at such loss for the husband. Every song makes me think of him. Everything is echos of him... and I miss his touch, smile, us... But I do have to get over that is the past now. I've even read books such as The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle where it discusses not being concerned with the past or present as all you have is the current moment. Trying to remember that while still being proactive for the future-- which also means being more proactive of the current moments. But I miss him. But.. only time will tell, and time heals all wounds.. so it is said.Currently he is still here, his new lease starts in June.. I know it will be terrible once he moves. I am looking for a place still, which adds more stress.

Also hard as people at work are starting to notice, and comment. The "congratulations!" coming in and I just stare, or try and find a reason to walk away. I know the next is your husband must be so happy... really not wanting to face this, as I work for a big- and often gossipy - company. at the same time not wanting to feel like Im denying or not proud of my little man inside me.. just additional depression from this factor too.

Yes... A jerk/pig thing to leave the woman alone, just to try and walk away.. let that be the way of dealing with the hurt instead of being there for me. It does hurt. Would seem no matter what I said he should say he will take care of us, at least in some way.

All in all, time will tell with everything... any prayers that I make this work and my baby and I are successful at least much appreciated.

Thank you again to everyone for their words.