Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hi i'm new to this site and not really sure whether i'm in the right place but I could really use some advice regarding my father in law.
I've been in the family going on 4 years now and can't stand it anymore. My father in law broke his back 15+ years ago and has since been on an endless list of medication including oral morphine, morphine patches and other strong pain killers. 3 years ago he self-admitted into a psychiatric hospital as he says his 'head went bang'. They slowly got him off all his meds and he seemed much better, but put him on zopiclone to help him sleep. Less than a year later the dr put him back on all of his painkillers, and once again he ended up in a psychiatric hospital but this time under a section. (tried to gas himself using his car in the garage). Medication wasn't changed but a new antipsychotic was introduced along with an antidepressant. Baring in mind at this point he is on all kinds of pain killers including morphine, zopiclone and anti-depressants. (seems like a strange cocktail if you ask me).
Curently, he doesn't get dressed. He sleeps downstairs all day every day in his armchair. His legs are the size of tree trunks due to swelling from not mobilising, he has a fungal infection on his feet, doesn't shower (only has a bath once every 3 weeks if that) and only ever wakes up for a cigarette. He has pressure sores on his bum and arms, and is just a mess. He even fell asleep in his christmas dinner last year!!
His wife won't do anything, she's happy with the way he is (I think because she gets control of his finances) and when they visit the doctor they must put on a really good show as nothing has been done about this. Community mental health were involed (I actually work for them now as an OT), so they can't get involved with him again due to the family connection. The doctor won't drop down his meds, and we can't get a referral for a district nurse to come out (or anyone really) because he has capacity to say no to any intervention.
He's obviously extremely depressed and over-medicated. We are stuck! I'm an OT working in community mental health and I've exhausted every avenue or possiblity. Plus he won't agree to see the Dr and the Dr won't talk to us.
Any advice from anyone? Please! We can't cope anymore! He's wasting his life away.
Hint: if that were true then the best way to abuse a family member for financial gain would be to either work for the agency, or have a family member work for the agency.
There must be a plan for this situation, some way to hand his case off to another jurisdiction to get around your conflict of interest. How about reporting the doctor to the medical board??? There must be some way.
Sorry to focus on that one detail.
I am sorry for this situation, and hope you can find a way out. Yes, by all means it sounds like your FIL is depressed and is not being properly cared for. What does your spouse think of this? If they are angry, that is good because they are in a better place to make changes. How about other children of your FIL, are they willing to stand up to his wife? It sounds like you need to work behind the back of your MIL.
Gentle hugs
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Basically, it seems to me he needs to be committed by the State to a care facility .... because he is not competent to take care of himself, and his wife won't, so there is a jurisdiction issue. The State needs to rescue him ... from her and himself.
Continue to seek help for him and his depression. Can he be seen by another doctor? Can you contact a home-health agency to come and assess his needs? Sometimes another set of eyes and ears on a situation can be helpful, and contact Social Services, they should be able to offer some assistance. Your FIL is in need of better medical care, medications, bathing, therapy and wound care, The decubitus ulcers and the edema need to be addressed before a serious infection sets in, if not already.
He has said no to any help or care, who has his medical power of attorney? Does anyone have it or can they get it? He is an older adult and once was able to make decisions for his care, it seems as though he is not as rational as he once was and needs assistance with medical decisions.
Blessings to you for hanging in there to watch over your FIL, talk with your family/husband and the others involved and see what is best for his well being, he may not like it and will protest I'm sure. Don't give up, take care.
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