You do not deserve that at all.
Sometimes I think of my grandmother in that way, her children still ask things of her.
She is too old to work but still does.
I will help her with house work and soak her feet and wash her hair.
I love her, she's been there for me emotionally and you too will find that in you're children and or grandchildren.
If I were where you were, I would take you to the store or wherever you needed to go.
You need 100,000,000 hugs right now <3
Please stay strong because at the end of the day you are going to have an up standing with God, something that those who mistreat their parents of family will not have.

I am so in your shoes right now unfortunately. I have an almost 21 year old son who like yours when he became a teen became a total a$$ and has only gotten worse. He just had a baby, I say he because I seem to be a grandma because I gave birth to him. I never get to see my grandson because he won't bring him to see me since I won't go over to his house (that's a whole story in itself). I have to stalk him and his baby mama's (his words) fb pages or I'd never get pictures of him; I shouldn't have looked today because now I'm even more depressed because they took him over to see his dad who's never gave 2 s**ts about him ever!! My son doesn't give 2 s**ts about her either he just wanted a baby; I tried to tell her she doesn't have to stay with him but she's looking through rose colored glasses thinking they're going to get married. I still beat myself up everyday about how I feel I failed him and friends tell me I shouldn't but it's hard not to when you've had a human life growing inside you that you had big plans for in life, only to have all your hard work and sacrifices be unappreciated. He used to call/text/message me for things til I said no, then after that he definitely stopped talking to me. I have a 2 year old now and there are times (like now) I just want to say f**k it and give him up for adoption and yes harm myself so I don't have to go through this all over again because my heart just can't take anymore heartache.

Sorry I didn't mean to hijack your post but I always feel like I'm the only mom going through this! I hope your kids will come and see you because they only get one mom in this life and they need to be there for you now more than ever! Sending big hugs!

You are definitely paying for something you've done, out of misguided kindness or out of meanness, you're reaping something you yourself have sown. There is nobody else to blame for the rearing of your children but yourself.

You might want to look at the messages you send. And you might want to change those messages. Have you let your children put you down? Where was that ever going to get you or them? Have you let them see you as a nothing? How was that ever good rearing? You don't get what you don't fight for with children. You just don't.

First change: don't be there for them. Be there for yourself first and foremost. Don't give them anything you don't have extra. This is a lesson all adult humans have an obligation to learn and put forth. Don't prop other healthy adults up at the expense of yourself, that leads only to resentment and anger on both sides.

Carry your own self from now on, and nobody else. Carry yourself financially, carry yourself emotionally. Walk the walk and let them learn from your example, not words. Words mean nothing.

You can't ask for respect. You can't demand respect.

You can only COMMAND respect. You have to earn it. But when you do earn it, they cannot withhold it even if they want to. It's one of the laws of human nature. You haven't earned their respect, and you have to. So cut the crap, it's time to play hard ball with them. Stop making allowances, stop being kind as they see it only as weakness. And it is weakness if it is not gratefully received.

No more Mrs Nice Guy.

I like bridgies advice of "carry your own self from now on and nobody else." You dont deserve to be treated how your being treated but maybe some boundaries are in order. Stop giving of yourself and getting nothing back. Look what its doing to you. You deserve to treat YOU better. I can imagine its hard - their your children - but its not worth your own health and sanity.

bridgie101 is absolutely right.

There are two women in my life who complain of the same things as you, Dee. While I don't believe that anyone deserves bad treatment by their grown children, I also have seen how the mothers I know (one who is now 68 and still working part time, the other 78 and still working full time) spoiled their grown kids by going without things they themselves need, years and years of this. Then these not-so-healthy, and aging, moms say wow, look at all the money I've handed over to my grown kids, look how I've supported them, what is wrong with them that they don't respect me?

The trouble is, when children become adults but you still treat them as children that need to be supported financially and in every other way, they learn to lean on you and to take you for granted. What you give becomes an obligation rather than a kind-hearted gift, and then the resentment starts to kick in, when you resist or complain.

The moms like this, who I know, always say they had to support their adult kids because they're their children, they had no choice, that a good mother will always be their for their children. Unfortunately, that kind of thinking creates adults who are both oddly ungrateful and yet cannot stand on their own in life. It's an ugly cycle and the moms I know are never willing to stop, because they need to feel that they are sacrificing for their children and that makes them 'a good mom' and they want to be able to assure themselves that way.

One of the women in my life was always there for her daughter, when her daughter chose not to fully support herself, and it is a terrible mess now because the daughter went from being grateful for the help when she was 19, to now being a 43 year old woman, never married, no kids, jobless and living on her mom's couch and hating her. Her mom always pulled her back from independence and self-sufficiency by waving $ in her face and opening the front door, when life got tough, all in the name of being a Good Mom. Even I am disgusted by it, because I remember the daughter as a sweet person who had goals and ambitions, and who developed some health issues that she was trying to learn to manage on her own. But then at every turn mom was there to make sure she 'helped' her ... by not letting her figure out how to make life work.

The other mom in my life is wearing herself out at 78, working full time, because she allowed each of her 3 adult daughters, in turn, to run back home after they had kids and got divorced in their 30s or 40s. All 3 of them are in their 50s now and two of them don't even make a living, and have no friends, while the mom and the 3rd daughter bear all responsibility for the household bills, and for a couple of the grandchildren that the two working women have now adopted. And then one of the other daughters allowed her son to put his camper on the property and bring in his dog and two kids. My friend was going home from her 10 hour work day to cook for herself and 4 other adults and 4 children, and take care of 4 animals.

She comes to work looking exhausted, is happy to be out of the house, and says that the entire weekend was 'nothing but chaos'. She says she wants to move out of her own house and get a little quiet place for herself, she absolutely dreams of it, but she says her 3 adult daughters are not capable of even just paying the mortgage, all 3 of them together, or even getting along for long enough to discuss how they'd make it if she were not around, so she's stuck.

Whenever she vents about how exhausted and frazzled she is, however, she always ends by saying something about that she has to support them 'because that's what a good mom does, supports her children'. I love my friend and I wish she'd wake up! I want to blurt out, yes well, you supported them right into not being able to have healthy, happy adult lives, but it's nice that you feel satisfied about being a good mom, right?

Lawd, lawd , lawd bridgie have you ever watched the movie Diary of a Mad Black Woman? You really should.;There's a scene where she'd had enough and threw her husband in the tub and was watching him about to drown by being tough and rough; I don't know what skin tone you are but it seems pretty much EVERY time someone is hurting and reaching out you just throw them in the tub so they can drown more smh.....

Anyways YOU are NOT responsible for your children growing up and showing their a$$! You gave them your all and then some and that's all you can do!! You have taught them love and respect but they lost it somewhere along the way and that's not your fault. Once upon a time it took a village to raise our kids but that meant being on the up and up and keeping them grounded, now unfortunately most villages have a lot of bad folks walking through it so the love and care you gave was probably eroded by their "friends." You WERE good enough and if they're too blind to see it then that's on them.

I don't think you should blame yourself for this. Perhaps there are things you could have done differently but you don't strike me as the kind of mom who would or could raise their kids to be ungrateful or unhelpful. If anything I would say that you have been a role model for how to be supportive, loving, and helpful. You have always been there for your kids and now you are asking that they help you in return, which is not at all unreasonable. Aging parents often find themselves in a position of role reversal (I know you're still young but I am just saying as an example). Adult children often take care of their aging parents and in countries like China is it expected.

All I can say is you don't need to keep helping them when they aren't there for you in return. I know how hard it can be to give up that role of care taker for our kids but you have COPD and need all the energy and time you have for yourself.

Wishing you the best!

Well I for one have never really spoiled my children. we have all had a hard life and went without. but me more then them. and it wasn't to make them happy it was so they wouldn't go hungry and fricken starve. we used to be the best of friends and then I got sick. I have done my best with my children. never coddled them nor did shelter them from life. A few of these comments have made me just want to lay down and die. Do as far as a support group and helping me to see that I'm worth more then what I'm getting. thanks for making me want to hang myself. to the others. thank you for your support and I hope wish you luck and happiness in life. I'm leaving the group and I am just going to do what I have been doing and that is to slowly smoke myself to death with cigs and pray to god I die soon. this last post was mainly for bridgie101. goodbye you helped me in no way except to make me feel even worse then I did coming in here.. do not bother to re comment. I wont be here.

Don't give up on yourself because of some of the posts here. Try to remember that people here are also sick and suffering and many have their own issues which have nothing to do with you or the way you raised your kids. I am convinced now more than ever that you are and always have been a good mom. And I am truly sorry that your kids aren't there for you. I don't know why things have turned out this way for you. The thing is you are still so young and I hate to see you give up because of others and their insensitive and selfish ways. You deserve better. Don't throw your life way. Do what you can for yourself and don't worry about anyone else right now.

Hello Dee,

First let me say, YOU have done nothing wrong! And I pray you are still reviewing comments.

I am so very sorry to hear how badly you are being treated. It is never okay to be treated with such disrespect. I know this will be easier said then done, but look beyond and just love. Smile and shed light to others who will show they need you, love you and respect you. How? Well, I have found that when I find myself down, it always brings me up to know I have helped someone else, some how, some way. This does not have to take money. It can be as simple as a phone call to someone who can not get out. Or reading to someone who’s eyesight is not as good as it use to be. Or a simple smile at a passerby. They thing is, when we share a bit of light to others it cannot help but brighten our day as well!

Look past the responses that have made you feel less of a person than before because Darlin’ you need to prove them wrong! Hold your head up high and smile at the next person you see. Call an old friend and chat & laugh about old times. Or think of another way you can shed some light today.

What is your favorite way to bring a smile to someone else’s face?

Praying for you my friend,

Miss Polly

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My adult daughter has abandoned me too even though like you with your kids I did my best by her. It really isn't my fault or yours darling. We are not always responsible for how our kids turn out. Please be gentle with yourself and take no notice of naysayers who see things in black and white and not the very many shades of grey life really is.

God bless you.

Hugs

Manda xx