Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I am separated from my Wife right now. I went into another really deep depression about 4 months ago. I have been dealing with depression for about 20 years, I have major depression, generalized anxiety disorder and ADD inattentive type. We have been married for a little over six years and this is the first time she has seen me in this deep of a depression.
About two months ago I initiated a separation and went to stay with my Dad. I did this because after going into isolation mode/apathy she started getting really angry with me. I began to think I was the cause of all our problems. She blamed me for anything bad that was happening in our lives and at times became verbally abusive with me.
I know that she really can't understand how the depression effects me. I know that it is very hard to be around someone who is depressed let alone have to live with them. I know in a lot of ways she is suffering because of my condition.
What I can't deal with is all the anger and blame that has been blasted at me. I got so low and suicidal as a result of this. I already felt horrible for how I was messing things up. The anger was starting to push me over the edge so I left. I felt the things had gotten way to toxic and I left.
Of course now she is mad at me for leaving on top of everything else. We are going to marriage counseling but things are not changing. I am not getting better I am getting worse. I could really use some advice. Anyone who has had to deal with this please help. I love her very much but can't take much more of the blame.
About two months ago I initiated a separation and went to stay with my Dad. I did this because after going into isolation mode/apathy she started getting really angry with me. I began to think I was the cause of all our problems. She blamed me for anything bad that was happening in our lives and at times became verbally abusive with me.
I know that she really can't understand how the depression effects me. I know that it is very hard to be around someone who is depressed let alone have to live with them. I know in a lot of ways she is suffering because of my condition.
What I can't deal with is all the anger and blame that has been blasted at me. I got so low and suicidal as a result of this. I already felt horrible for how I was messing things up. The anger was starting to push me over the edge so I left. I felt the things had gotten way to toxic and I left.
Of course now she is mad at me for leaving on top of everything else. We are going to marriage counseling but things are not changing. I am not getting better I am getting worse. I could really use some advice. Anyone who has had to deal with this please help. I love her very much but can't take much more of the blame.
She needs to learn more about what depression is and what it is not.
She needs to learn what she can and what she can not do to help you.
She needs to learn what reasonable expectations are for the relationship you two have.
You need to learn what you can and can not expect from her in terms of support. Asking too much of her will not work; she and you need to establish what she is able to do to help you.
Therapy is good, it is great that you two are going!
>>I went into another really deep depression about 4 months ago.
>>I have been dealing with depression for about 20 years,
>>I have major depression, generalized anxiety disorder and ADD inattentive type.
>> .... this is the first time she has seen me in this deep of a depression.
>>I initiated a separation and went to stay with my Dad.
>>I did this because after going into isolation mode/apathy she started getting really angry with me. I began to think I was the cause of all our problems.
>>She blamed me for anything bad that was happening in our lives and at times became verbally abusive with me.
Hmmm. Where did she get that idea?
>>I know that it is very hard to be around someone who is depressed let alone have to live with them.
Eventually, often impossible.
>> I know in a lot of ways she is suffering because of my condition.
No doubt.
>>What I can't deal with is all the anger and blame that has been blasted at me. I got so low and suicidal as a result of this. I already felt horrible for how I was messing things up.
Yeah ... anger is 'normal', but destructive.
>>The anger was starting to push me over the edge so I left. I felt the things had gotten way to toxic and I left.
Very understandable. Probably a good idea at the time.
>>Of course now she is mad at me for leaving on top of everything else. We are going to marriage counseling but things are not changing. I am not getting better I am getting worse. I could really use some advice.
Yeah ... well .. anger ... 's a real demon.
Anyway ... on to advice:
Doesn't really matter who, what, where, and when. The only thing you (should) have control over is YOU. Yeah, yeah, yeah .. Depression this and depression that ... still, when you splash your depression on others, ... all kinds of bad things take place. It is a problem best owned by the depressed.
Be depressed if you have to ... but don't bring it home, into home, or anywhere else except your MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. They know what to do about it .. your wife doesn't. Give her a break ... and save your marriage.
We 'accept' our depression, .. we lose to it.
In your advice you said...
"Be depressed if you have to ... but don't bring it home, into home, or anywhere else except your MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. They know what to do about it .. your wife doesn't. Give her a break ... and save your marriage."
First of all I am giving her a break the best I can. I don't blame her for her anger. I am just trying to say that it is hard to deal with.
Second, I am already in the care of both a very good therapist and psychiatrist.
Lastly, maybe I am dull here so please explain to me how to not bring my depression into the home.
Same way you would not bring it into a job interview, .. or ?
It is hard enough for you to handle ... much more for someone else to.
You must deny depression .. not accept it. You will benefit the most .. if you decide to 'dwell elsewhere'.