Hey I know what you mean I wanna live not just exist discoverers more to life than what I'm doing there's got to be more Sully message me

Crying isn't a bad thing. Sometimes we have to accept our feelings rather than bury them. Sometimes it helps to get them out. Hang in there.

Sometimes even now my levels are normal, you start to tell someone how you are feeling about all that your body has gone through (and still going through) and it becomes overwhelming. You may have thought you were ok, but your emotions get the better of you. Its good to be able to tell others who know your pain. Take care Hopeful_KC

Can I ask what you fought with BF about? I had a boyfriend recently who drank about a litre of ethanol a day. It didn't go well.

Impossible to live with someone who drinks. He was always having feelings. And then punishing me. It was bloody awful. Being alone is far preferable. I have a smooth ride emotionally and nobody to answer to. Being alone with two cats and the television remote is a very small price to pay.

And please be careful with your heart rate. I don't want to wind you up if you get health anxiety; but living in a dysfunctional home is not good for your health.

We have been round and round with breakups- a little under two months ago I left him. His family contacted me and he finally reached out to me, and I felt guilty and went back. To be honest I didn't want to, but I felt bad for him. Now I feel more stuck. We have been fighting more than ever. I have been feeling a bit distant (I get very distant when I am depressed) and he took it personal. I told him its not him, and he cant seem to grasp that when I am fighting a depression fit or eating disorder fit, that it is not about him. I don't know that he can comprehend such a mental battle. I kept telling him that I appreciate him telling me how it made him feel, but that it wasn't him, and it wasnt intentional, he got more and more mad saying that "he must be the asshole for assuming and hes always wrong". I tried to explain to him in a healthy way that wasn't the case. Things are just not good. There is not trust, I kind of don't blame him, but I feel like I am a winner at a losing game. Nothing I say is believed and it just doesn't matter anymore.

I know this is horrible to say, but I almost prefer him stoned. I think that is the person I fell in love with, and when hes sober hes angry. Also when he drinks he is angry. He see's someone for heroin recovery, and that counselor said that when someone becomes sober they revert back to the age that they were (emotionally) when they started drugs. I feel leaving or being upset at all is making me selfish. I feel rude, and mean, and judgmental.

I feel releif with crying, I cried my little heart out last night with my parents. They are my rock.

I take Vyvanse (a stimulant/ADHD medication) for my eating disorder, it helps tremendously with binging cravings, but since it is a stimulant, it does give me all the energy in the world, contributing to the crazy heart rate. I see a provider once a month to follow this.

I had/have so many goals in my life. I am working towards nursing, I currently work as a medical assistant in a pediatrics office, and there is so much more to this life that I want. I am just fighting demons daily and trying to push past all the ugly thoughts. I am trying to live, and most importantly get ME back.

This is only my 3rd day on here, but so far it has really helped me. You have no idea how nice it is to vent to people who are experiencing the same thing.

You are struggling with so many things right now. You need to put yourself first in order to get better. It appears that things just are not working out with you and your boyfriend. He seems to be the cause of a lot of your stress. If you decide to leave and I think it would be in your best interest to, don't feel guilty or obligated. You don't feel the same way about him as you used to and he is making your life miserable. Are you seeing a doctor for your depression?

I am glad to hear that coming to this site has been helpful for you. Continue to talk with us here. We are all here to listen and offer support.

I think that once you get your stress level under control and find that your life can be happier, you will feel like you are living and not just existing. Feel free to message me.

I agree totally with Sharaninmd. My daughter was with someone who had problems of his own to deal with, but was also making lots of problems for her. Esp financial. She decided even though she loved him, he was not good for her. She struggled emotionally, but thankfully is in a better place now. She is starting to move forward again. You need to do this to. Put yourself first. Your health is enough to deal with, without the anxiety of someone who really does not care about you. If he did he would be trying to understand.

I can also really relate to what you are going through. I was in a marriage for almost 20 years that for the past 10 years was very similar to your situation. As a woman and a mother, I always feel that it is my obligation to take care of others (including my now ex-husband). The hardest thing for me to do was to accept that I just could not help him and I needed to take care of myself and my children. I felt really selfish also. As difficult as it was, it turned out to be the most positive step I could have made for me, my children AND my husband. He stopped relying on me, blaming me, etc. and made some important changes in his life. I just encourage you to take one small step that puts you back in control of your life. Then there will be another, and another.

So happy you reached out to this group! You are definitely NOT alone!!

Your boyfriend is the one whose convincing you you're rude, mean, and judgemental, You're just trying to take care of yourself in a very bad situation. You really do need to leave this guy before it gets any worse.