Hi,
I broke up with someone about a month ago and I really liked him. I guess the situation is that I've had most of my life, some level of desperation, and always wanted someone to love me, so that does color things. I am a lot better about it now.

The irony is that I always desperately clung to others, while in arms-length relationships, for what I felt I was not receiving. This time, I had someone who was really crazy about me. It was like I had the opposite problem. Crazy being the operative word. He liked me so much it scared me.

I've never had a relationship where I talk to the person or see them daily, and yes I am older. So if that gives you an idea. My dating has, now that I think about it, always been more casual. I guess I thought it was serious because I was seeing these men regularly and sleeping with them.

However, I recognize that there is a difference in levels of closeness, and daily contact goes with a more serious relationship. He went there right away. I guess I needed to go there gradually. I want to count all my chips before I'm in, so to speak. Part of that is because I lived with physical abuse in my family for so many years-I was always railroaded into things on a constant basis-and when I did not go along, there were results-bad results.

He would keep me on text for several hours and want to see me every day. I started to panic. I mean really feel uneasy because I really did not know him that well. One big thing was that he was an older guy and had moved back in with Mom. I started to feel and sense that he was over here a lot to get away from that. I did not want to do that.

I explained this to him the best I could, telling him that I had been single for a long time, and that we only knew each other a couple of weeks, and that I would have to work up to being closer. I also wanted time to see if things would pan out-see "change" as in he would move out of his mom's and get a 'real job.' That was the part that I did not say.

I was hoping, when I explained this to him (my hesitation) that he would slow down. This did not happen. The following day he showed up at my house without asking me, and I came unglued. Then, I started to feel cornered and scared. I broke it off completely. He said, "I guess you will call me," I told him, "yeah, that's right." To which I started receiving texts to meet him just a few days later. I was so mad, really so mad. In fact, I have never been this angry toward someone I have 'loved," if that even fits here. I have never felt, ever, the need to scream or even worse because I felt so pushed. To me, that was a bad sign. So, I cut loose. That kind of anger is not a regular thing for me so I figured something was off.

Now, I feel regret even a month later. Like, 'here is someone that really, really wanted to be with me, and I didn't want to be with him, I didn't love him enough.'

I don't' understand why I am so confused.

To make matters worse we have the same friends and social circle and now I am backing off as it seems to be the best. I just don't like the sense of isolation. It is real, to me, and not exaggerated. The fact that I don't go to events because of the level of negative there, and that his friends are there and mine are not spells trouble in my mind. Odd-woman out I would call it. I don't like this feeling. I feel like "the bad guy" for saying: IM OUT!