Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hi everyone and thanks for reading this.
I've been dealing with depression for more than 25 years, been in and out of therapy since I was a child, and been on zoloft since 1992. A few years ago I ended my marriage and thought my life would be uphill afterwards, but, despite my being in a better place, I still face difficult challenges.
Lately, I have been having a really hard time dealing with my depression. I am back to being afraid to leave my house, feeling too insecure to call friends, spending days in my bed doing nothing but crying, spending nights I am not with my kids (I have 50% custody) drinking so I can escape and/or fall asleep. The fact that I was a stay-at-home mom for 6 years and now desperately need to find a job, which I have been supremely unsuccessful at obtaining, does not help. Nor does my 30 lb. weight gain over the past 2 years. Nor the fact that I had to end therapy 9 months ago because I can no longer afford it.
Anyhow, sorry for the rambling, but I am worried that maybe I have plateaued with my zoloft. I had been on 250 mg/daily for years up until right before ending therapy when I had thought I was ready to follow my therapist's advice to see if I could wean myself to a lower dose of 200 mg, but after a breakdown of sorts a month ago (as in, unofficial) I returned to 250. I do feel a bit better, but am still feeling so bad about myself, lonely, alone, useless, worthless...
One friend suggested I go back to my shrink, but I am feeling angry towards him, which is unfounded but strong nonetheless, another mentioned switching from zoloft to another anti-depressant. I can't do prozac (it made my extremities feel like I was in an oven) or wellbutrin (which made my heart pound and triggered trichotillomania).
Please help. I've been wanting to write on here for a while, but have finally gotten the courage to do so.
Thank you.
I've been dealing with depression for more than 25 years, been in and out of therapy since I was a child, and been on zoloft since 1992. A few years ago I ended my marriage and thought my life would be uphill afterwards, but, despite my being in a better place, I still face difficult challenges.
Lately, I have been having a really hard time dealing with my depression. I am back to being afraid to leave my house, feeling too insecure to call friends, spending days in my bed doing nothing but crying, spending nights I am not with my kids (I have 50% custody) drinking so I can escape and/or fall asleep. The fact that I was a stay-at-home mom for 6 years and now desperately need to find a job, which I have been supremely unsuccessful at obtaining, does not help. Nor does my 30 lb. weight gain over the past 2 years. Nor the fact that I had to end therapy 9 months ago because I can no longer afford it.
Anyhow, sorry for the rambling, but I am worried that maybe I have plateaued with my zoloft. I had been on 250 mg/daily for years up until right before ending therapy when I had thought I was ready to follow my therapist's advice to see if I could wean myself to a lower dose of 200 mg, but after a breakdown of sorts a month ago (as in, unofficial) I returned to 250. I do feel a bit better, but am still feeling so bad about myself, lonely, alone, useless, worthless...
One friend suggested I go back to my shrink, but I am feeling angry towards him, which is unfounded but strong nonetheless, another mentioned switching from zoloft to another anti-depressant. I can't do prozac (it made my extremities feel like I was in an oven) or wellbutrin (which made my heart pound and triggered trichotillomania).
Please help. I've been wanting to write on here for a while, but have finally gotten the courage to do so.
Thank you.
I'm glad that you are opening up and writing about how you are feeling. It may be worth calling your therapist, who knows, maybe a couple of sessions with them will be enough to get you back on the right track
Drinking whilst depressed is not the answer. Alcohol is a depressant and it is all too easy to become addicted to it. And if your ex found out I am sure that he would not hesitate to use it against you to get full custody of the children.
It is difficult to find a job. Have you considered doing some volunteer work in the meantime? It may help to give you the structure and routine taht you need and also the human contact that can help you to feel more motivated
Have you thought about seeing if there are any therapists in your area who have a sliding scale payment system? It sounds as though therapy was really helping you
If you are unable to do that, please remember that there are crisis lines that you can call, and they may be able to help to get you through.
Here if you need to talk to someone here
*monkey hugs* xxx
I know the drinking is bad. I hate that I do it. My dad is an alcoholic and my ex was/is, and I hate thinking i am just like the two of the handful of people who have hurt me the most.
When I told my therapist how much I was drinking towards the end of my marriage, he told me stop, as if it was like stop doodling in my notebook, and I felt like he didn't get just how unhappy I was. I know he meant well, but I wish I could've gotten a hug or something showing he understood just how hurting I was.
I have done tons of volunteer work, successfully. It has not helped me get work, but it did make me feel important/impactful. I stopped recently, because I felt like it took time away from finding a paying job. No difference, though.
I used to call abuse hotlines when I was married and wanted someone to tell me I was, in fact, being abused, but noone would do that because they were there to listen, not advise. That really turned me off from hotlines, but I am open to more suggestions.
Thank you for the monkey hugs. I'd take cockroach hugs at this point. xo
I really need to get out of the house but feel like I have nowhere to go and will just end up awkwardly standing out. How do you get yourself out when the desire to hide is so much stronger than the desire to do what you know will help?