I am so depressed right now. I have problems with my voice now so I cannot pursue my singing career, as I had wanted to earlier this year. I am often so depressed that I do not have the energy to do activities/projects/tasks that need to be done in order to move forward and get out of my situation. I have to get my resume in order, get a website going, etc., all freelance marketing, in order to get any kind of career going for myself. I am almost 42 years old and the clock is ticking. I am trying to enjoy my young children and love them and be a good mom, but I can't. I can't take pleasure in them because I am so depressed. I feel trapped here and I hate living here. There is nothing to do here for me-none of the hobbies I enjoy are available to me here-not even a movie theater (you have to drive one hour to it and then they don't even have much selection). I could be enjoying some of the prime years of my life, instead I am just wasting away in this awful, desolate place. I feel I have made a huge mistake by coming here, but I cannot just leave. My children love their father, and his job is here. I don't have any kind of career, so I am competely dependent on him. I cannot move back to the U.S., or move anywhere else for that matter because I don't have any income or money. I get depressed when I envision my kids growing up in this isolated place with so little to offer in terms of entertainment, creative outlets, or anything else. I already can see my older child, who is almost 4, purposefully reducing her intelligence, her creativity, her physical activity, in response to (I believe) peer pressure at the nursery school. I am just so depressed on so many levels, and I miss so many things from the past. I can't imagine how my situation will ever get better. I don't have any groups here I can't relate to/bond with. I feel no connection to people. I tried the church and it just made me more depressed so I stopped going. There are no musical outlets for me here. I want to kill myself, but I am too cowardly, and I would not want to do that to my kids. I feel I made a huge mistake coming here and having children here. I never should have done it. I love my children, but they will have a highly limited existence here, and it is sad that they won't be able to express their talents and gifts here. I cannot say any of this to my husband because he gets offended, he comes from here and thinks it is a great place to live! I am so frustrated and sad. I feel like my sould is dying a little bit more every day.