Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
*WARNING, DON'T READ IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH*
I had a dream last night that I had a cyst on my breast that was draining. I was my own patient and my own doctor (yeah, I was two people at once), helping me drain the pus and blood from the area. I just looked up the meaning of all the symbols now, and it appears that I am in need of being mothered and nurtured and do not know how to express it.
Go figure. Everyone who has been a "maternal" figure to me in my life has completely and without any remorse betrayed that trust. Even my own mother, who has formed a beautiful relationship with my sister, one that I have never and will ever have with her.
I have discussed these family dynamics in a past post. My sister is the perfect, golden child and I am just that weird kid with Asperger's who will never be able to function correctly in my little family.
When they talk, they laugh and giggle and have the greatest time in the world. I can't even say 20 words without being criticized, shut down, or yelled at.
Most of the time when I speak, I am either not heard or anything that comes out of my mouth is invalid or doesn't make sense, or doesn't fucking matter.
And the worst part is, I can never just simply tell these people how I feel. Because I have TRIED in the past. Every attempt I have made to express myself to reestablish any familial connection or make a positive change has been destroyed, simply because people don't want to hear that they've done anything to cause me to be who I am today.
I am lonely. I struggle very hard to be functional at a simple part-time job because of my anxiety. I push my friends away, because I am sick and I don't want to infect them with my negativity. I am struggling in my relationship with my boyfriend...I hate that he has to be subjected to my mental illness. The only person I feel like I can tell my real feelings to is my therapist.
Does anyone know how extremely upsetting this is, that someone has to be paid by my insurance company in order to hear me talk?
I feel like I am dying inside, and EVERYONE is so oblivious to this fact. It makes me just want to give up, sometimes.
I write and I write about my feelings all the time and it feels as though I can never drain these feelings from my body. These feelings of a need to be loved by a maternal figure, to be nurtured and not treated like I am a burden...and knowing that I will never receive this degree of love.
Knowing that so many people in my life are so wrapped up in how they were hurt by life that they can overlook someone rotting away inside, from the very core.
I fear that one day, I will not know how to love anymore.
Or that my fate will include something much worse.
I had a dream last night that I had a cyst on my breast that was draining. I was my own patient and my own doctor (yeah, I was two people at once), helping me drain the pus and blood from the area. I just looked up the meaning of all the symbols now, and it appears that I am in need of being mothered and nurtured and do not know how to express it.
Go figure. Everyone who has been a "maternal" figure to me in my life has completely and without any remorse betrayed that trust. Even my own mother, who has formed a beautiful relationship with my sister, one that I have never and will ever have with her.
I have discussed these family dynamics in a past post. My sister is the perfect, golden child and I am just that weird kid with Asperger's who will never be able to function correctly in my little family.
When they talk, they laugh and giggle and have the greatest time in the world. I can't even say 20 words without being criticized, shut down, or yelled at.
Most of the time when I speak, I am either not heard or anything that comes out of my mouth is invalid or doesn't make sense, or doesn't fucking matter.
And the worst part is, I can never just simply tell these people how I feel. Because I have TRIED in the past. Every attempt I have made to express myself to reestablish any familial connection or make a positive change has been destroyed, simply because people don't want to hear that they've done anything to cause me to be who I am today.
I am lonely. I struggle very hard to be functional at a simple part-time job because of my anxiety. I push my friends away, because I am sick and I don't want to infect them with my negativity. I am struggling in my relationship with my boyfriend...I hate that he has to be subjected to my mental illness. The only person I feel like I can tell my real feelings to is my therapist.
Does anyone know how extremely upsetting this is, that someone has to be paid by my insurance company in order to hear me talk?
I feel like I am dying inside, and EVERYONE is so oblivious to this fact. It makes me just want to give up, sometimes.
I write and I write about my feelings all the time and it feels as though I can never drain these feelings from my body. These feelings of a need to be loved by a maternal figure, to be nurtured and not treated like I am a burden...and knowing that I will never receive this degree of love.
Knowing that so many people in my life are so wrapped up in how they were hurt by life that they can overlook someone rotting away inside, from the very core.
I fear that one day, I will not know how to love anymore.
Or that my fate will include something much worse.
it's that you refuse to talk to anyone else.
Your friends care about you. Your boyfriend cares about you. these people care.
Have you thought maybe spending more time with them might mean not that you infect them with your negativity, but they infect you with their positivity?
Have courage. Not all people are like your mum. You will be fine if you give yourself time and stay away from the mother, really.
Bridgie101...I am not sure it would be wise of you to assume that I refuse to talk to anyone. I might have spilled much of my guts here, but you DO NOT know me or very much about my life. But, anyway, thanks for the support.
I am very sorry you had to endure that from your mother, LivingWater. Nobody deserves that sort of pain. I felt I had to take comfort in both women and men because I lack nurturing from both parents, so I definitely understand where you are coming from.
Keep attentive to how you treat your surroundings and your time in general with your hobbies becuase creation is the ultimate escape. If you can create things you will get rid of negativity especially to show to those who have been affected by it. People like art and etc.