Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I just wanted to say hi, everybody. I have been on DS for a few weeks now, seeking support for anxiety. I was recently diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. However, I have suffered from depression since I was a teenager, about 23 years now. At the time, I went through variety of treatments. I tried meds, was hospitalized at one point and had a therapist for several years.
I eventually got better and lived a normal life, but depression has always been underneath the surface. I thought I had learned to manage it and I suppose I do manage it pretty well. I practice positive thinking, I've kept a journal for years, I try to take care of myself, and, when all else fails, I just force myself out of bed int he morning and make myself be productive. However, my fight with anxiety has taught me that depression can assert itself in other forms. It is a very insidious disease.
Even though I feel jittery and worried all the time, the same depressed thoughts are there, that I am worthless, defective, unloveable, or that I'll never be good enough. I have these thoughts all day long, every day, even when I am out doing a fun activity or enjoying a passion. It darkens my life and I guess I'm at a point where I finally want to break free of it and I don't know how to take that step beyond all the strategies and tools I'm using to "manage."
I would love any thoughts on this, but like I said, I also just wanted to introduce myself and say hi. No matter who you are, know that you are not alone. Peace.
I eventually got better and lived a normal life, but depression has always been underneath the surface. I thought I had learned to manage it and I suppose I do manage it pretty well. I practice positive thinking, I've kept a journal for years, I try to take care of myself, and, when all else fails, I just force myself out of bed int he morning and make myself be productive. However, my fight with anxiety has taught me that depression can assert itself in other forms. It is a very insidious disease.
Even though I feel jittery and worried all the time, the same depressed thoughts are there, that I am worthless, defective, unloveable, or that I'll never be good enough. I have these thoughts all day long, every day, even when I am out doing a fun activity or enjoying a passion. It darkens my life and I guess I'm at a point where I finally want to break free of it and I don't know how to take that step beyond all the strategies and tools I'm using to "manage."
I would love any thoughts on this, but like I said, I also just wanted to introduce myself and say hi. No matter who you are, know that you are not alone. Peace.
I hope that you find a lot of support throughout being here. I know that times can get rough, but you being here shows you'd like to better yourself and are hopeful for better things to come. It's a pleasure to e-meet you. (:
I have had thoughts like yours for quite some time now, and am also learning about how to cope and move past them. I hope that we both find that peace sooner.
-Hugs-
~Tiff
I'm Karen, and I am a new member here at DS as well. I have found it so rewarding being able to talk to others with the same problems and illnesses. The people here are so very kind and generous with their love and support. You have come to the right place for help in putting your mind and heart at ease.
I want to tell you one thing for certain, beyond a shadow of doubt, that you are worthy, perfect, and lovable in every way. There is nothing about you that cannot be cherished.
My ex-husbands made me feel horrible about myself. They belittled me, bullied me, made me feel like everything I did was wrong, that I am stupid, and they called me awful names. In my heart of hearts I knew that I was smart, loving, and none of those names they said. But day after day of incessent torture made me feel like I was smaller than an ant crawling around on the dirt beneath their feet.
I tried Zoloft and other anti-depressants, but they didn't work. I still felt horrible. Suddenly one day, I realized that it wasn't me! It was him! He was the one that was miserable and horrible and hateful. I finally saw myself again for the first time in years as the woman I knew I was all along. I had just hidden her deep within me some-where and she had become lost.
I made myself turn around and get some courage to be me again. I wanted to be happy, joyful about life. I wanted to give my love to my children, completely, not the shell I had become.
I don't think you can get anywhere by "managing" your life. To me, that is accepting defeat before you even start the battle. I had to pull myself out of the hole I had dug and crawled into in order to even start to try to rebuild myself. I made myself look at the person I had once been... the cheerful, fun-loving, smart teenager who married stupid hateful men.
I finally realized that if I were going to ever be the woman that I had dreamed I would be that many years ago, I was going to have to do some major house-cleaning of my mind and heart. I opened the windows and doors and let fresh air in... in other words, I started thinking differently with fresh new ideas and desires.
I knew in my heart, soul, and mind that I was destined to be a woman with self-respect and honor. I knew I was going to be a person of integrity and morals, and that I was going to fight to the death to protect myself from the threats from others to ruin me.
Instead of letting thoughts of negativity in, I threw those away before they even hit my brain. Instead of letting feelings of worthlessness in, I threw those away and filled my heart, soul, and mind with thoughts of great value and worth.
In order to do this, though, I had to find the resources. Just like baking a cake, I had to get my hands on the basic ingredients... flour, sugar, eggs, etc. So I went to the library and read books about successful women, smart, successful, and loving women. Some of their biographies looked just like mine, a woman who had been put down and stomped on by everyone since the day they were born. Some of their lives were begun in high society where women didn't do anything but look pretty. I read about how they pulled themselves out of their chains and dungeons, and became women of integrity and honor, women to be admired. Women who were confident and secure.
What I am telling you, Judy, is that you already ARE one of those women because you have gone through life thus far unscathed. Yet, you still feel like your life means nothing, that you are worthless? Forget all those strategies and tools for "managing" your life.
Instead, give yourself some credit where credit is due. Instead of trying to change who you are, be who you are. Accept yourself with arms wide open. You are a beautiful and intelligent woman who can love yourself, if you try. Forgive yourself of your wrongdoings, God has. Forget those years in the past that brought you down to a level that you no longer even recognize yourself.
Believe me, this may take awhile. Transformation does not happen overnight. But if you never get started, you will never reach the finish line. You have friends to lean on here. Most of us are pretty darn strong and can take the extra weight.
First things first...take a deep breath, put on your hiking boots, and start up the trail. It's really not that far away to get back to yourself. I know because I have walked that trail before, several times.
Whenever you need a friend to talk to, I am here. May God bless you and keep you in His loving arms today and throughout eternity.
Your friend,
Karen
That started a long process of self-discovery but it has been three steps forward, two steps back. I still have a lot to process and unpack. I am working on how to let things go for good. That is where I'm stuck. The most engrained negative feelings are so deep and hard to weed out. I feel like they are part of who I am when I know rationally that isn't my true identity.
I do want to be free like you, Karen. :)