I'm going to send you a p message honey. I understand everything you are going through. Hugs

I understand too. I do not have those thoughts as much as i use to, now days are more numb. There is hope inside of me some where, but some times just feel, like why care at all. I have to get out of the house if just brief walk, so save myself. the smallest thing helps me. I know this is not much of an answer to help you, but i do feel for you.
Hugs

You have to unpick the causes for your self hate. I went through this myself and that's essentially what i had to do. All those little things I felt guilty for: I had to confront how I felt about them, accept how I felt about them, see what I could do to fix if possible, and then let them go.

Counselling is important right now I think. Maybe medication? You have a son, you have a reason and a responsibility to not just survive, but live, and become the best you that you can become. You need to have got out the other side ahead of him before he has to go through these things.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, but it's a long journey and you have to keep walking in the dark for a long way. Don't give up, it's only giving up that makes you fail.

There is happiness after depression.

thankyou for all your support, its good to know i am not alone. i go to the dr on the 4th hopefully to get some more meds.

There's a lot you can do for your son even though you don't work. Spend time with him doing things that don't cost money like taking walks, having a meal together, play a game that's been sitting on a shelf neglected for years. Or spend a dollar renting a movie at Redbox.

My son is and has been my saving grace. Back when I was suicidal I kept going for him.

I know the place you are at all to well. Are you under a doctors care? How old is your son? Is there someone else to take care of him there? Please get help if you are not already, that is what helped me. And, this group.

I have gone through similar things ....you need to make sure you get all the help you can get to get you up out of this place ....you have a chalange with the bipolar ...my son has that .....but with his family he has it under control .....being depressed ..and hating your self can't be good for the bi polar .......there was a time I couldent look into a mirror ..eather when I did I dident like what I saw ...but as I got better ...it got better .......I still see the flawes ....I schould be seeing ..who I am inside ....and not the flawes .....I rember feeling like I wasent contributing .....because I couldent work ...I had migrains ..that dident allow me to work .....but staying home and looking after your children is a job all on its Owen .....and now I am happy for having that opertunity ....so maney young moms just don't have that now .....................if you are having susidele thoughts you schould see a doctor ..a phicatrist ..if you have one ....if you are on meds ...you will need to adjust them ...if not than now is the time to think of that ............I will keep you in my prayers ..you take good care of your self ....love your self you are worth loving ....don't be so hard on your self .......we are delt a hand and just have to do the best we can .......God bless ....