is it that for some of us- life is so painful- and for others- happiness comes so easily- i'm tired of all the pain- i just want alittle happiness- everytime i think i've gotten close and open up to the idea- it leaves me..... happiness is not real to me anymore- i wish i could go back to being a child and believing in good things and love - right now- i just really need something to restore my faith in love and happiness i hate walking around seeing everyone else with their happy smiles and looking so friggin pathetic with my permanent frown and my loneliness - i hate loneliness! being alone is really getting to me emotionally and physically- i don't like to do anything cause i figure - why bother- there is nobody around me who is gonna look at me or care... don't get me wrong i still brush my hair and teeth and all those things- but as far as exercise goes- i try to avoid it - i know i need to do it- but where is the motivation?.... you'd be surprised what a hug can do for someone- i know if i had someone to hug me everyday i'd be motivated just from that........ but i am destined to be an old maid with tons of animals and sit in my rocker on my porch everyday and stare at the neighbors and cars and talk to the dogs and cats and look like i'm crazy......... sorry kinda babbling here - but just really frustrated !