Welcome to DS. I too tried to hide my pain behind my smiles but it finally gave out and I needed serious help. Have you thought about seeing a therapist? Sometimes my family was the last I let know about my depression because I knew they wouldn't understand. Sometimes those closest to you don't always get it. I saw a doctor who diagnosed me with depressive disorder and anxiety disorder. She put me on some meds to combat the feelings I was having. Four years later I had to see a psychiatrist to have my meds readjusted and began therapy. I then learned it was okay to not always smile. I guess what I'm saying is try seeing a doctor to see if you can get some relief from your symptoms. Or just finding a therapist/psychologist to talk to to help you get through this time. Hope this helps in some way. ((hugs))

you sound so sad. i understand what yopu are going through because i am there my self. no support from your family? . sounds all too familiar. you have posted here so that is a good first step. keep posting. it helps... if you have any questions on how this site works let me know.

Thank you both. Yes I did counseling for s little while but she ended up leaving the practice to be a stay at home mom. I have thought about going back but right now I can't afford it, I have two of my sons in counseling. My doctor put me on viibryd.

Hi,

I am new here too and can totally relate with how you are feeling right now, as I am in the same place emotionally...

I too have done counseling...it can help, but becomes expensive...I have also been on antidepressants on and off for years..currently, Wellbutrin.

I have to push myself daily to do things that most people do with ease..go to work, errands, etc...

Can anyone offer suggestions to both sjmd and myself on finding inner strength and motivation? I even went to mass today for the 1st time in months and although I left there feeling more optimistic, I got back in bed within an hour...

I used to be so vibrant and want to find that person that I once was

Hello sjmd

its not the tears that you need to fight , its what cause them
even if you hide them and hold them back , the reasons that make them fall are still inside you , alcohol may help forget problems for awhile but thats it , its a temporary false solution because the problems dont really go away , instead they keep growing and as much as you run from them , they will gain more strength

Your inability to fight your issues may be driving you away from even trying to face them but that way you can only go down and down , look back and youll notice that

I dont know what youve been through in life and it sure is a bad thing that you dont receive support or even recognition but you cant wait for others to do something for you which only you can , help ! only you can be your own true helper ...

may sound impossible right now for you to think that
but you can start a few changes and within time your vision will be clear enough for you to see that you always held the answers for your problems , you just couldnt see them

Id like to share something
http://www.journeytoyourendless.blogspot.com

take a look calmly and allow yourself to rise up
You can and will if you dont give up trying

take care and feel free to contact me if you want to

One thing I try to do is to think of how it would be if I wasn't depressed and then I try to figure out what is the main culprit for my depression. Sometimes i can figure it out and other times I can. I have also tried telling my self things like: This too shall pass and This is only tempararery. OR Look on the bright side of things. Anything positive to help me not feel so bad. Dawn