Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I use to be happy a long time ago. Now I just feel like a shadow of my former self. I can remember holidays with my two lovely boys always laughing. I think I have suffered from depression on and off since I came to live at Colsterworth with Keith. I believe it started when I terminated my pregnancy because he didn't want a child. That should have said it all really. My life has never been the same really since then. Both my children being made to leave home because of different things. William because he stole money from Keith and David because he just wanted a dog and Keith wouldn't let him have one. David was told if he wanted a dog he would have to leave so he did. Now I was left alone. Alone with a man I didn't even know if I liked any more. A man that showed no emotion whatsoever. He shares nothing with me. All the years that I have been with him and I don't even know how much he earns etc.
And now Will has gone. It's been nearly 8 years since he died at the age of 30. I was left to deal with that alone too. Going to work in the mornings and going to the hospital in the afternoons and not getting home until late in the evening and then it starting all over again the next day. I was so very tired. I remember asking Keith if he would drive me to the hospital as I was so very tired. He flatly refused. Then when Will died I was alone again. Empty. I still had David who was my rock during that time. If I had not have had him I don't know where I would be today.
It seems like since I moved here I have alway been alone. I think all he wants is a housekeeper.
Every time I ask him anything he doesn't want to answer he just shrugs his shoulders. I asked him last night if he couldn't bear to be in the same room as me. He just shrugged his shoulders. What sort of answer was that. I just need him to put his arms round me and tell me I will get through this. I need to be loved. There is no chance of that happening.
My GP has put me on anti-depressants. I have taken two. They make me feel horrendous, very nauseous so I can't eat, dizzy and spaced out and very tired. I have decided I will not take any more. I know it's probably not the right thing to do but they make me feel so awful. My GP said he would book me in to see a counsellor but I told him that by the time I get an appointment I will probably be feeling better like before so I have booked in to see a counsellor privately.
Today (15th January 2016) I decided that only I could change what is happening to me. I have realised that it is not all down to me. I think that Keith has mostly been behind my bouts of depression. Yes he is tired of me being like this. Does he think that I like being like this I am tired of it too. Tired of being miserable. I want my life back and to be my old self again and I am determined to do it without medication. I have been like this since November 2015 and it's time to stop. I know it will probably be a struggle but I think I have hit the bottom now and it's time to climb back to the top. I know it's only two and a half months but I think it has been bubbling under the surface for a long time. I am not going to give in to it.
And now Will has gone. It's been nearly 8 years since he died at the age of 30. I was left to deal with that alone too. Going to work in the mornings and going to the hospital in the afternoons and not getting home until late in the evening and then it starting all over again the next day. I was so very tired. I remember asking Keith if he would drive me to the hospital as I was so very tired. He flatly refused. Then when Will died I was alone again. Empty. I still had David who was my rock during that time. If I had not have had him I don't know where I would be today.
It seems like since I moved here I have alway been alone. I think all he wants is a housekeeper.
Every time I ask him anything he doesn't want to answer he just shrugs his shoulders. I asked him last night if he couldn't bear to be in the same room as me. He just shrugged his shoulders. What sort of answer was that. I just need him to put his arms round me and tell me I will get through this. I need to be loved. There is no chance of that happening.
My GP has put me on anti-depressants. I have taken two. They make me feel horrendous, very nauseous so I can't eat, dizzy and spaced out and very tired. I have decided I will not take any more. I know it's probably not the right thing to do but they make me feel so awful. My GP said he would book me in to see a counsellor but I told him that by the time I get an appointment I will probably be feeling better like before so I have booked in to see a counsellor privately.
Today (15th January 2016) I decided that only I could change what is happening to me. I have realised that it is not all down to me. I think that Keith has mostly been behind my bouts of depression. Yes he is tired of me being like this. Does he think that I like being like this I am tired of it too. Tired of being miserable. I want my life back and to be my old self again and I am determined to do it without medication. I have been like this since November 2015 and it's time to stop. I know it will probably be a struggle but I think I have hit the bottom now and it's time to climb back to the top. I know it's only two and a half months but I think it has been bubbling under the surface for a long time. I am not going to give in to it.
Don't worry, you're among Friends here.
That happened 20 years ago. Do you think it could still be that?
To be fair though ... while he sounds quite like the genital, he may be fed up, frustrated, and defeated by your depression ... which is not going to change unless you attain effective medical treatment. This is an effort to 'be fair', .. while frankly, Keith is and never has been good for you. I believe this is more truth than 'poor Keith' is overwhelmed with you.
Antidepressants take awhile to work. The first few days and sometimes a couple of weeks are tough because your body is getting use to them. I hope you will start taking them again because they can help.
I urge you to go to counseling. It will help you with your grief but also with your depression and your self esteem.
Then you will feel strong enough to leave your "prince charming" (being sarcastic) and be happy again.
Its okay to have support in the form of medicine and professional help. You don't have to do this forever, just to get you over the hump.
Big hugs to you
I don't know if he has issues because of your depression. You have two boys, they don't sound like they are his. He sounds like he never wanted kids and how he acted about the stolen money and the dog, he had zero compassion or mercy. Sounds like he has resentment in having to deal with them and probably other issues as well. Does not sound like there is any love from him. He flat out refused to drive you to the hospital to see your sick son? WTF?
Staying with him will keep you depressed and dependent. You deserve better.
You are correct that my two sons are not his.
Tonight when he came home from work he was quite concerned that I am not able to eat because of being nauseous. Don't know where that came from. May be a little too late
GBU
DRENA B
You don't need to blame anyone to leave. You just have to figure out if you can survive being with him till you die.
I'm sensing an enormous need you have that he does not fulfil. For me, I found that not having anyone letting me down was psychologically far easier to handle, even though the net outcome, ie the fact that I get nothing either way, was the same.
it's easier to cope with getting nothign because you're single, than getting nothing because you're living with someone who is probably on the autism spectrum to be fair.
I mean it's probably diagnosable. In his generation people were not diagnosed with these things: their wives just endured a life of abject misery and loneliness, and filled their existences with bowls and mahjong and going out with their girlfriends.
I can still go to bowls and mahjong (some day in the future) but I don't have to clean up after some guy and survive all his financial decisions.
I too was not allowed to know what my husband earned.
Thanks for your reply. Yes I am very angry, angry to the point where i could just step out into the street and scream. At times I sometimes want to take a knife to him. I do already have a job and my work colleagues are very understanding. I know I need to get away but it's very difficult at the moment.