That's what I call it but for me it has been more of a slow motion train wreck in reality. Eight years and one month ago I was on top of the world , fresh off Gastric bypass surgery 2 years prior I was hiking high peaks, building a series of decks and stairs at my house , running again,playing a bit of tennis and stream fishing again. My walk pace was dramatically improved I had my best golf season in 20 years and I could get on the floor and play with the grandkids. My wife and I had both had the surgery and lost a combined 180 lbs or so. I was already a few pounds up from my low but it didn't seem to slow me down. The youngest was still in college and the grandkids appeared to be doing well.
Then an injury to my left knee and the spiral down started. It took me a painful month to get in to the orthopedist and when I did get there all they wanted to focus on was my arthritic knee even though the acute injury was higher and not arthritis. They said no help for it other than total knee replacement but treated me with cortisone injection which made me functional again. No MRI. Later that year our daughter, then 32 died of drug OD. Being the recovering person in the family I talked to her for hours at a time. But ultimately it didn't matter. I was angry and couldn;t really cry for 3 years.
Fast forward to 2021 and I'm a shell of that man from 2013 my golf game is unpalatable, my youngest has left college and really needs to get a graduate degree but that is not in the plans right now . He is dramatically over weight as well and he gets frequent bronchitis and pneumonias, pretty much every year and that is probably due to my wife's and my smoking back when he was a kid. The older grandkids has hit some stumbles as well.I have essentially given up hiking, tennis, stream fishing , hunting and could no more build that deck today or run even 100 feet than I could jump over the moon.
I am depressed despite meds and that depression is largely based on my situation which includes not having worked in over a year due to COVID and burecracy is holding out my return.
I've been on crutches due to an accute injury of the other knee twice this summer and the pain is worse doing far less than I did 8 years ago. For 8 years of cortisone injections in both knees I have been told there is no fix other than total knees and after finally getting somewhat mentally prepared the minute I told my doc that I was close to ready he started backing up. I saw him twice this summer, once for each injury but of course not while the acute injury was in full bloom so once again despite what my regular doc says this asshole thinks it's arthritis again. Once again no MRI and to make it worse he would now put me through PT, Viscus injections ( which he once told me wouldn't work because my knees were too far gone) then MRI then arthoscopy and if all else fails total knee. His bar for me is that I'm still able to do my white collar job and the fact that I can't do any of the things I love or even satirs for that matter appears to be lost on him! I beleive he is afraid of cutting through my old scars from decades old knee surgeries and my weight which is still too high. Either that or everything his practice has previously told me was a lie OR I have found a way to improve osteo arthritis which seems like it should make me rich!
Sorry for the length of this but had to let it out. Suggestions are welcome this sucking it up and living a better life plan ain't working.
Trigger warning: drugs and overdoseOn Friday My mom and my brother both overdosed, a few hours apart. Since then I've had lots of anxiety and flashbacks. As well as the stress of worrying if it'll happen again, because cps didn't do anything to help. It seems like everything is just going back to how it was before all this happened. And I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it because they are...
I've been feeling very bad lately. Physically I have this new problem and then all the other ones. It's like too many rocks are being piled on top of me. I can't bear the load. It's a really scary feeling. I need to go the those damned doctors and get some better pain meds. They have been so incredibly hard to deal with and unhelpful. I don't think they even see me as a person, like I...