Sometimes I feel like I get rejected; sometimes I feel like I bring it to myself. I am not sure. Perhaps I am overreacting and feeling sorry for myself. I am still having a tough time seeing my bf was able to move on to a solid relationship, and that I'm still floundering. I feel inadequate.

I try to fill the time, and do things with others. I had two tickets and plans for a month with someone, somehow, I felt like it wasn't going to happen. They said yes, and I kept the ticket here for a month. This week I tried to get a hold of them by facebook, and no response, so someone called for me and they confirmed. This morning I got a call from the go-between and she said that the person had a serious emergency and could not make it. When I got my phone working again, I finally texted the person direct and said that I was sorry they could not come, and good luck with the situtaiton. They did not respond. I sort of feel like I was lied to. I've tried six other ppl to pick up the ticket, three have not responded and the other three said no.

I hate feeling sorry for myself, but it is hard to help when I think back on how much he loved and cared for me, and that now I get to face what it's like not to have that love. I get sad when I look at our pictures, and he's got someone who accepts him completely. Who am I kidding? All of these activities and phone calls I make were just fill ins for the fact that I don't have that significant person, and I still wanted time for these things. He is literally making someone else's dreams come true, and that could've happened for me. I wanted it to, and didn't at the same time. I don't like my self-loathing, but it is hard to feel like I am not wanted when I look at the situation. I had a funny feeling I was gonna get left high and dry for today and I was. I don't like feeling like I think people are lying to me, but I get that little 'catch' inside that makes me wonder.