Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hi, I am a bit confused about something.
About a year ago, I got involved with a support group because my best friend kicked me to the curb, and things were pretty bad with my family. It is a support group based on relationships and making them work.
I was really scared and didn't think that I would make friends. Well, I did, I met this one woman and we became friends. She is very nice and I like her, but sometimes I think the support group is the only reason that we are friends. I have always fetl a strange sense of discomfort with her and seem to feel like when we hang out that I feel more disconnected than before.
Perhaps it is because she is always talking about how disconnected she is, and emphasizes this so much, and that she wants to move. I feel just as nervous as she behaves sometimes. She never seems to want to do any activities that I do, and is very picky to an extreme about restaurants, movies, etc. It almost makes me feel rejected.
To make matters more complex, she has refused every invitation I have ever extended to her over the past year to meet my other friends. She seems downright afraid of my life and the people in it. Every time we get together, I feel like I am going to another planet to meet her, so to speak. She is totally disconnected from the rest of my life, and seems to want to keep it that way. It lends me with a sense of distrust.
Lately, since she lost her job, it's gotten a bit worse. She refuses to talk on the phone, is extremely distant now, and cancels plans a lot. I do like her and it's not like I dont' want to be friends, but this is upsetting me. I don't know what to do.
p.s. she is a lesbian and I am not; not that this should matter, but perhaps it makes a difference anyway; I don't care about ppl's orientation, but maybe I'm being naieve? She went back to a controlling therapist who discharged her twice because she has always been in love with the therapist and this therapist seems to tell her what to do; the therapist runs some of the groups. I kinda predicted that when she started to resume seeing her that this might happen, I don't know why I thought it might be the end being friends. This is just kinda weird and I wonder if this person doesn't have what it takes to be a friend
orion
About a year ago, I got involved with a support group because my best friend kicked me to the curb, and things were pretty bad with my family. It is a support group based on relationships and making them work.
I was really scared and didn't think that I would make friends. Well, I did, I met this one woman and we became friends. She is very nice and I like her, but sometimes I think the support group is the only reason that we are friends. I have always fetl a strange sense of discomfort with her and seem to feel like when we hang out that I feel more disconnected than before.
Perhaps it is because she is always talking about how disconnected she is, and emphasizes this so much, and that she wants to move. I feel just as nervous as she behaves sometimes. She never seems to want to do any activities that I do, and is very picky to an extreme about restaurants, movies, etc. It almost makes me feel rejected.
To make matters more complex, she has refused every invitation I have ever extended to her over the past year to meet my other friends. She seems downright afraid of my life and the people in it. Every time we get together, I feel like I am going to another planet to meet her, so to speak. She is totally disconnected from the rest of my life, and seems to want to keep it that way. It lends me with a sense of distrust.
Lately, since she lost her job, it's gotten a bit worse. She refuses to talk on the phone, is extremely distant now, and cancels plans a lot. I do like her and it's not like I dont' want to be friends, but this is upsetting me. I don't know what to do.
p.s. she is a lesbian and I am not; not that this should matter, but perhaps it makes a difference anyway; I don't care about ppl's orientation, but maybe I'm being naieve? She went back to a controlling therapist who discharged her twice because she has always been in love with the therapist and this therapist seems to tell her what to do; the therapist runs some of the groups. I kinda predicted that when she started to resume seeing her that this might happen, I don't know why I thought it might be the end being friends. This is just kinda weird and I wonder if this person doesn't have what it takes to be a friend
orion
Sorry to say this but...no it doesn't look like it.
I think you kinda know this already.
And if you feel uncomfortable with her and she makes you nervous. Why would you want to be around that kind of energy?
I guess you maybe lonely because of what you said but surely you would want a friend who you feel confortable with and connected with, share mutual interests.
She's distancing herself from you and is making herself unavailable to you by avoiding phone calls, Cancelling. Etc. She is Not able to give you what you are wanting from a friendship. It seems a bit one sided if she never wants to do what you would like and isn't interested in your life.
The disconnection she talks of is all part of it I'm sure.
And it sounds like she has "transference". A crush,
on her therapist which is not that unusual but maybe now she's back with this therapist. It sounds like The therapist is providing all what she is needing right now and she has no room or energy for anyone else.
Like I said, I think you know the answer if you examine the whole situation and be honest about it.
No point in trying to pursue a friendship when it requires so much work right from the start. You said you have other friends, id stick with.them
If she asks y she hasn't heard from you, you can tell her that you thought she was avoiding you and was always cancelling plans.
Good luck.