If you don't want to go then don't...your deceased friend knows whats in your heart and your feelings for them Proper adequate IMO is to send a card or call one of the organisers and tell them you are unable to make the wake due to a previous commitment no need for any further explanation just short sweet and to the point.

I agree.

thankyou ....that does make me feel better ...my h went to visit his friends wife ....to talk about some things ..and she said she would like to see me ....but she knowes I get migrains so fi I have a migrain she will understand if I don't go she told him ....so I am just not going to think about it ..and when the day comes .....I will see how ....I am ..doing ......Thankyou ...take care ..God bless ...

If you go can you make it a quick visit? I know that sometimes I hate to go to events, but if I can make a quick appearance I'm OK with it.

DONT GO...................................
I DONT ........................................
GBU
D
;-O

I have stopped going to such things over the years. It upsets me too much. However, if the day comes and I feel up to it, I will go. You can send a card also. Do what is most comfortable for you and then don't stress about it.

IF something like this is causing you such anxiety and stress, then tell your friend exactly what you are telling us. I assume this is a good friend and he will understand. If he doesn't, well then.....Maybe he just wanted to be kind and invite you so you didn't feel left out and will completely understand your not wanting to go. You won't know until your honest with him and tell him exactly how you feel. It's not worth making your anxiety worse. Hugs

it is my husbands best friend who has pased away ...so I can't just go and leave ...my h will want to stay a while ......but it looks like my dishion might be made for me as I have a migrain now ....his wife had told my h that she wanted me to come but that she would understand if I couldent ..because she knowes I have migrains .....but my .moods ..are not so good ..I don't want to go there and louse it ....and runin everything ....his family ......I am ..sad ...tearfull ..but not letting them fall ....but I have been having a probelems for a while ....being more depresed ..than ...usual ....it started when my h started his treatments and it just hasent goten better yet ....so I feel a little guilty ...not going .....if it is because of the depreshion ...but I schouldent ....if I am having a hard time controlling my self here ..I don't have much of a chance ..there .......at the celeberation of life ......thing is ....I will just have to tell my h I have a migrain ...I can't tell him the real reason ...and I .dont lye ....so it would be better if I still have that migrain tomorow .....I want to thank you all for helping me .....to ....decide ....take care ..God bless

1st of all, I am sorry for your loss. 2nd of all, you have a choice to make, either to go, or not to go. Realize that the choice is going to be something that you are going to have to live with. Remember funerals aren't for the dead they are for living, to say goodbye, and we all say goodbye in our own ways. You don't have to go to the funeral to say goodbye,

So the choice, to either go and say your goodbyes in front of everyone, or not go, and say them on your own. I have been to two funerals in my life, the 1st one I had no choice, I was still very young, the 2nd one I had a choice, and I chose to go, but it wasn't for me, it was for my best friend's family, they requested that I be there, so I went, not for my best friend, who was already gone, not for myself, but for her family. There have been people in my life who have passed away and I did not go to their funeral, and it is something that I made a choice about and stuck by that choice. I have never regretted not going to a funeral, because that is not the only chance that you have to say goodbye to the ones that you love.

Stay strong. xx

If it were me in this situation, and my husbands best friend had passed. I believe I would go to the service and stand by my husband and have him stand by me. Then when the service was over I would hug him and make my own way home. This way I would not regret not being there. I would arrange transport for myself after the service.

But I am not you and I am not feeling what you feel so I am only coming from my point of view. If you feel yourself that you overwhelmingly do not want to go then that will be your marker. Your husband and your husbands friend will know you are honest feelings on the matter. You are in your heart a good person and would go if you felt you could. trust yourself and you will then know that not going is right for you.

I have a decision to make regarding my father and mother I come from an abusive family. When they pass I will not know until the day of the service whether I will go or not. But I will trust my gut feelings on the day.