Your words are my words. Somedays I just want to crawl in a whole and have someone wake me when it's over. But I'm to busy with that. Husband, 2 kids and a dog. Maybe your husband is afraid that he may say something wrong. Or maybe he is sad that he can't make you happy. Mine is. He doesn't understand it. He thinks that if I need to talk to someone that it should be him. But it's hard to talk when I don't even know how to explain the way I feel. So I end up lying and telling him I am sick and don't feel good. I'm sorry if this isn't comforting or helpful. I just want you to know that you are not alone.

thank-you for replying. i've been sitting at this computer for almost 2 hours just wishing someone was 'out there'. that's funny what you said about how you tell your husband you just are sick. I do the same; it's so hard to explain how you're feeling depressed, so saying you're 'sick' is so much easier. i honestly just think my husband is someone who doesn't understand feeling 'down'. i don't think he gets what it is too feel depressed or anxious. it doesn't help that outside of not being there for me emotionally, he just isn't 'here' much. this weekend he's away fishing with friends. he's always off doing his things. anyways, I totally appreciate your response

You are so welcome. I totally understand. My husband is a little bit opposite of yours in that he is always around and watching me and asking if I am ok. I feel like screaming.... "I won't be if you don't leave me alone!!!" I feel terrible that I can't be the wife he wants me to be. If I tell him how crazy I really felt i think he would have me committed. I'm sorry that your husband is not around much. That would be hard too. Do you have any girlfriends you could take a little trip with ? Or family that you could go visit? A change of scenery is so nice.

no friends. i've never really been able to have/keep good gf's. i don't know if i scare people off. sometimes i'm a bit secretive. i can also be untrusting of people. regardless, no one wants to hear me rant about my sad, depressing life. i noticed everyone wants fun, happy friends. it's funny how our husbands are opposites. and i can relate to what you said about being committed if you said how you were really feeling, i hear ya !!! lol. do you ever feel like you don't really know who you are? I sort of feel like i have different personalities (not in the schizo kinda way) but just like i'm all over the place. some days i feel like a tom-boy, some days I wanna be this super-girly 'homemaker', some days i'm strong and determined, other days I'm a crying mess..... is this at all familiar, or make any sense?

Yep your words could easily be my words also..Are you getting any kind of support at all or not raemae? I tried to keep it all to myself and hold down a stressful job, only to breakdown.. Hope you can sit down with your husband and tell him, how truly awful you feel.. Although my life is by no means great..I am in a better place in general these days...It's a constant battle and you're right!! It sucks the life out of you....Peace, Love & Lights at you rae...

It makes total sense. We bought a house in October and all of the sudden I had all these decisions to make as far as decorating goes and I'm all.... I have no idea what I even like! How can a choose a style or a color! Fortunately (I guess) when money is limited some of those decisions are made for you. I think some of that stems from being a people pleaders. "I don't care, what do you want?" or I think... If I want this person to be my friend how what kind of person would they want me to be? Which is a no-win situation because they eventually see through you. I feel like I am 37 years old and have no idea who I am....like when I filled out the "about me" part on this website....I'm thinking... I don't know much about me. And the "interest" part? I really had to think about what I like. Kind of silly. But like you said that days you feel this or that.... Maybe that is who you are. I know somedays I feel like a rock star and other days I avoid all eye contact with anyone because I don't want them to pick me apart. But I guess that is who I am. I like the rockstar girl better though. (:

no supprt. just the Effexor which i don't take regularly (i feel guilty about having to be on drugs to survive so i have a bad habit of not wanting to take it). ya, i had a breakdown once. the breakdown that my husband chooses to pretend didn't happen. i have a doctor i used to go and talk to, but with work and his availablity, it's hard to find time to go. my life is a big ball of stress and i don't do anything about it. i'm weak, afraid and confused.

AmyJane, i do believe we share some similar feelings. it's nice knowing others are like you;makes you feel more 'normal'. maybe being 'different' is our norma. and the decorating thing....that's me too!!! exactly ! does this happen to you with fashion choices? and this is maybe a weird question, but how would you describe your handwriting?

Sorry you get very little support from your husband rae.. I am pretty much aniti meds and only went back on Prozac, because my Dr insisted on it.. You have to make time to see this Dr... Sounds like you trust him?? People with a mental illness, are not weak!! If anything we are resilient and much stronger than we think..Just doesn't feel that way, when in that big black hole.. Please try to see your Dr...Sorry you sat at the PC, for two hours hoping to connect with somebody..I have felt exactly the same before.. You will find if you can reach out here, somebody will reach back at you..Some Great people here...Peace!!

I like to describe this sight as sort of like a star trek convention. You know the ones.... Everyone is dressed up and looking weird and everyone is sort of geeky? But everyone feels normal because they blend in. That's kind of like here. No one is really "normal" but it feels so good to just blend in and not be judged. My handwriting is surprisingly consistent.

I kept my depression a secret for along time. Now, if it comes up in conversation I don't mind talking about the general aspects of depression. I don't go on about how it affects me but it does help to let it out. Most people can tell some thing is wrong anyway. I found it easier to explain to people what is wrong than try to change myself to please them. That is impossible.