I'm listening. Tell me your story. Please.

kappy..please don't..yes..I was about your age and felt the same thing and now I feel it at 51...I want to die..but I don't want to die..its a very mixed up place to be.

I don't want to deal with life...if I could have my home..money..food an no interaction with others...life would be great..but that is not how it is...lol.

Your stuck here with us cause like me...you won't do it....because you don't want to die...its a very frustrating feeling...I agree...its strange too.

wow..peter..I want to kill myself all the time..but I want a long life at the same time. I only want to kill myself because sometimes I don't think I will live a long life...so I want to be in control of how long I live.

But I would never say I don't want a long life...I'm sorry you feel that way...I have major depression and I don't think I can say I really want to die ever...even thou some days I say I want to die.

I think myself and the original poster have the same feelings..want to die..but not really..

Again, I'm sorry you don't want to live long...from your ethnicity from your picture I think you are destined to a long life....I have actually been jealous of ethnic groups and longevity....

Dear Kappy...

Based on your picture, you look young and I do wish, as jmaetallo asked, that you would feel comfortable sharing your story. We are here to help.

As a Mom of two teenagers, I am glad that you are reaching out. This is a good place to be. I also so some "counseling" of a few other teenage girls that have sought my help and do hope that you feel comfortable enough to tell us more about what is going on in your life.

As for feeling like killing yourself...I can tell you that as a woman who deals with depression I too have thought about this. And as you said, its not that you want to die, but it is about escaping the pain.

I urge you to open up more...or even message me if you want to talk in private. I am here for you...and you are NOT alone!

I'm at the same place right now

You're going to die eventually. What's the point of hurrying the process?

I'm not saying that depression is totally fixable, but there are proven ways to make things better. Talking to people who "get it" can be very helpful. Getting a good therapist is a fantastic way to get started on recovery. By 'good' I mean somebody who connects with you; a person who is fantastic for me may be useless for you and vice versa.

Meds can help, but if your depression is more of an experienced based depression/environmental based depression meds may not be effect but good therapy will be effective.

Get to know what triggers your depression. Learn to focus on the things you can control, and to avoid/minimize the things you can not control. (And as the saying goes, the wisdom to tell the difference!)

As for acting on suicide, please don't give into that urge. There are a lot of people here who have attempted, none of them recommend it to anybody.

Gentle hugs

I get that way all the time and try to plan it so if I go it looks accidental. I have so many injuries on top of the depression, that sometimes I feel my family would benefit more from my insurance payout than having me around. I am still able to work for now, but my kids keep me going. I think of all the milestones in their life i'd miss and that cancels my plans until another day. Once I become fully disabled all bets may be off, but you have to find your something to live for. A pet, friend, family member, anything that might need you Or that would truly miss you once you are gone.

I've been there... I "lived" for months feeling exactly the same thing. No matter where I looked I saw a way to end my life....

My dad was the one who - finally - noticed something was wrong with me and urged me to get help. I was admitted into a psychiatric clinic and started a subscription and psychotherapy.

Now I look back at those moments and I see another person, someone who wasn't me, like it never was a part of my life.

So I advise you to do the same. Get help! It changes your life. literally!

That's exactly how a feel...

I'm just at a complete dead end, no life, no job, living with my parents again, my best friend doesn't give a shit about how I feel despite me being there every second when she felt like shit. The woman who usually supports me doesn't understand my current situation and her 'advice' keeps making it worse. I feel like I have no choice. I was sat in the middle of nowhere yesterday pondering this for hours, I feel like my decision is fixed.
Thank you for all your advice and support, I didn't receive the notifications x

Hi there, Kappy93,
I have been there, too. Many times. It takes a lot more strength to push on and a lot more strength to allow yourself to hope than to let yourself succumb to suicide.
Depression is a hard hand to be dealt. I, too, have lost friends due to my illness, and I know how badly that hurts. The people who usually support me have gone through their waves of no support, but they always come back.
I hope that you're feeling well, Kappy93, and please feel free to message me if you ever want to talk. Stay strong. Push through. Hope for tomorrow.
(The one thing that always helps me get through is the thought of the first crocuses in spring. They wait all year and then push through the ground, and watching them bloom is beautiful. We're almost there.)

Hello Kappy, I am sorry I have not been here for you, I too have struggles. I have read your comments and the comments of the others. I can only start by telling you a story and then putting it into perspective from there. I know this broken man and he told me when he was a child he was constantly beaten by his father for the littlest of things too like putting his slippers on top of his pillows, not mowing the lawn in a straight line. When he became older he wasn't the "good-looking" person that people wanted to hang out with, so he go teased a lot and this started his complex and bad eating habits. He was introduced to a woman, but there were no sparks. She insisted on getting married. She had it bad at her parents house so I wanted to move her on her own. She told her parents and they said the only way they would allow me to do this is if I would marry her, so I did. Seventeen years later we were divorced with two kids. Prior to their marriage he was going to college to become a police officer, but the wife did not approve and shut his dream down. During his life he has been diagnosed with Diabetes, Ulcers, Chronic Migraines, he has had 4 spinal surgeries C5/C6, L1-L3, a brain tumor (removed) resulting in Epilepsy, Radiation Necrosis, Divorce, Loss of Jobs, not being able to see his older son for a year, nearly dying twice, having to live with his father who doesn't care about him at all...Kappy there is so much more to this broken mans story that I could write books. But the sad part about this broken man???? HE... IS... ME! Do I think about what the world would be without me? of course, who doesn't. But there are more things to fight for and believe it or not, there are more people out there willing to give you and I a helping hand, all we have to do is just ask. There are agencies all around that can help for whatever, if you need to spend the night away from home (let your parents know) there's a place for that or face to face support groups, there are places out there, you just have to be strong enough to look. You do have a choice Kappy and you are the only one that has the choice, no one else can determine your fate. The next move is yours.