I am all for solid ground that we can hold onto. I've had a wide variety of things, some simple, some embarrassing, some have meaning only to me.

But the point is they get us through the hard times!

You have been doing a good job of brushing off some pretty annoying people in your life. I see that as a major accomplishment!

Gentle hugs

You are right, no-one will take care of your babies the way that you can. It's time to put yourself FIRST, give yourself room to breathe and be a person again. You can only do so much for people and then you have to draw the line, make boundaries, and speak your mind. Don't hold those screams in. If you can't scream at who you are angry at, then find a good pillow and a nice dark closet! Holding it in will just make you sick. Let someone else make the decisions for awhile. Hang in there sweet lady. Hugs GB

I have been drinking most of the night. Been screaming and crying. Can't breathe. Is this a breakdown?

Wow. I felt like I was reading my own thoughts. That's scary. All night long I've been thinking of ways to die and how to straighten up and categorize my stuff so that it won't be too much of a hassle to divvy up once I'm gone. Literally the only things keeping me here are my mom, my sister and my niece. Once they are financially stable, I think I will take my exit. But anyway, I hope you find peace. It's hard when everyone around you needs you. It can be extremely draining. I can't wait till fall. Maybe then I'll be more motivated to live.

Might be, IDK.

If it is alcohol, then please stop drinking now. Switch to water or a sports drink. Try to get some sleep.

Please post and let us know how you are doing.

I'm so sorry you're struggling tonight. I wish you had someone to support you right now, in person. It sounds like you have put everyone so far ahead of your own needs that you have reached your limit. Please try to do something tomorrow that makes you happy. You are responsible for no one but yourself, and your pets of course. You're right they need you. Sending you strength to get through these emotions tonight. I'm here if you ever want to chat. Hugs!

How am I. Dead inside yet jumping out of my skin. I need this pain to stop. I don't want to feel anymore.I do have an appointment to talk to my therapist on Friday. I am no longer sure how that is supposed to help. It will not make any of the situations I am in any better.


Last evening ended with my husband and I having words. He made a promise he broke. He breaks a lot of his promises to me. .And he got in my face, which I hate and which he promised not to do any more because it scares me...after an incident of abuse years ago. I sat there crying and it never even occurred to him to reach out, to hold me, to offer to talk. He did say he was tired of this because I have "always" been this way. Which is a lie. He said I don't know how to handle responsibility, which is a giant LIE. I have been doing one HELL of a job...until last night.

I really do not want to live anymore and I have started hoping I do not wake up in the morning. If only I knew the cats would be ok......They both have special needs and they will not get help from him, that is for sure.

I am sorry you are in such a painfull place .....I have short turm memory so I can't rember any details of ..what you have talked about befor ....what I do know ....is that ..seeing the the ripest is important what you tell him is more important ...we need to talk if we ever hope to heal ....you need to let out all the hurt you have ever felt because of others ..or your self if you hurt someone else ..but I think you have been hurt ...you don't have to worry or feel embarised the therapist had heard it all and they are safe they can't talk .about what you say to antone ......also you need to tell him exactualy how you feel ...or he won't be able to help you ...if you are on meds than you could benifit with a adjustment in them ..and you keep adjusting them untill you feel you can have a life worth living .....this way is to hard .....I am on 4 diferant antidepressants .....this is because I brok and ended up in hospital and if you break once it is easer to break again ..so you don't want to go there ......I dident think I was comming back and at the time I dident care ....they gave me .ect ..and it was a life saver that is ware I learned I had to talk ....since than I have been on and off meds ....so you realy need to have the doctor understand how you realy feel inside ...infact if I were you I would tell him what. you have writen here ..it is a good start ....I will keep you in my prayers ......take very good care of your self ..be good to your self ..........and it would help if you had your husband go to the..therapist ....after you get this stratin em out ....so they can talk and he can educate your husband on what he does that isent helping you ...I did that with my h ..and it realy made a big diferance ...if some one has never experanced depreshion they can't even imagian what we go through ..the therapist can make it hit home a little more .........God bless