Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Bad day

Diane-M
Diane-M
Husband broke his promise about staying home tomorrow to help me decorate because his parents need him to do something. They always need him to do something...they are too lazy to do it themselves.

We are rarely home together because of completely different work schedules and this was important to me. And yes...I made him very aware of it. But I have never come first and I guess I never will. He comes first....then everyone else....and I am last. I tried to talk to him today about several things....the only time he would stop and listen is when I screamed. So my question to him was why do I have to get loud for him to pay attention to me...his answer...because he is a man. What kind of man sees his spouse in tears and just sits watching TV instead of walking over and putting his arms around her. I mean, the cat cries and her picks HER up!

And of course good ole mom had another one of her now famous dizzy spells due to what she claims is low blood pressure. My suggestion weeks ago that we meet with her PA to discuss these dizzy spells fell on deaf ears. So when she called with her usual.....I'm scared and I need somebody to sleep over, I told her she needs to have this discussion with her doctor and that I am tired of being put in the position to have to choose between sleeping at home with my husband or at my mommy's and HER options are to move in with her boyfriend or go to assisted living because she never feels well anymore.

I think I am finally at the end of my rope. I alternated today between tears, screaming, wanting to get drunk, wanting to run away, and wanting to die. Tomorrow I get to decorate the house alone although I am not even sure I will anymore. And then I get to call my brother for what feels like the 100th time and discuss mom and I know HE does not want her in assisted living. But I have a surprise for them both. If things do not change I AM ready to wash my hands of the whole thing before it kills me.
looney1
looney1
Sorry you are going thru all this. You and your needs are just as important as anyone else's and you can't keep being drained like this. Some negotiation needs to be done and if that doesn't work can you get away on your own for a while and enjoy doing something just for you? Good luck
mollgirl
mollgirl
I am sorry you are going through this. I know how you feel. I hope today is a better day.
TroJanThunder
TroJanThunder
Have you tried being super sweet instead of being mad all the time. Have you thought getting some exercise and trying to get in better shape together might help? The old saying comes to mind,you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
Bobby5000
Bobby5000
First read Men are from Mars Women are from Venus, it seems you are trying to tell him something but doing it in typical woman fashion with complaining and accusations which leads him to turn off and want to spend less time with you. If his mother was ill, it was not wrong for him to try to help her.

I would try some positive reinforcement. If there are positive things he may want to talk more. Try to look at things from his perspective. I know when my mother or wife starts talking in that nasty, annoying voice, the first you want to do is get out or away. As a man, you realize that it is necessary to talk and communicate but it is hard. Sorry but I hope this helps. Not saying men are right or you are wrong but that there are different perspectives.
wlkrgrgg
wlkrgrgg
Have you tried pushing everything out of your life that has had a negative impact on you? I did. It still didn't work.
Diane-M
Diane-M
FYI- his mother is NOT ill....this is the reason he was summoned there to help. His step-grand-mothers house is up for sale because she died. Notice I said step grandmother. No relation to him whatsoever and a woman who treated him like shit when he was growing up. His mom and stepdad are trying to sell it and they claim that the handyman they have used for years is stealing things from the house. So my husband was told....not asked...that he needs to change the locks on that house. He could have said NO. He could say he'd do it another day.They could just get the f-ing keys back. They could have asked my husband's step brothers who are actually related to the woman. They could do it themselves. They could hire someone.They are NOT ill or incapacitated in any way or even very elderly, They just hate to spend money and use my husband as their slave.

As far as trying to be sweet......that has not worked for 55 years. All it made me was everyone's door mat. And that led to a drinking problem and a nervous breakdown and more therapy than one person should ever have to experience.

Exercise-the only exercise he wants to do right now is run. I have deformed feet. So far I have had 3 surgeries on one of them....and yet walking is even uncomfortable. He would consider bike riding in the nicer weather but it is winter in PA. Doing any other exercise with me would require compromise on his part.

I would love to push everything negative out of my life....but there are obligations.....stupid, guilt inducing obligations.....

yeah I read Men are from Mars......did anyone notice a man wrote it? Ok...that made me laugh. Jeez.......I really need to do something about all this anger don't I?

Thanks everyone for listening....I'm done whining :P
Victorious
Victorious
It is unfortunate you see experiencing this. If you want to talk about it, I will listen.

Best wishes
chris1976
chris1976
Sorry you're feeling neglected. No one deserves to be dismissed like that.
Diane-M
Diane-M
She had ANOTHER dizzy spell! And this time wanted me to run up there and drive her to the ER. We are in the middle of a snow storm folks, and I do not live near her so I suggested an ambulance and I would get there as soon as I can. This changed things and she admitted she skipped dinner because Meals on Wheels "always serves meatloaf" so she was light-headed and scared and wanted someone to sleep over. I suggested she eat something. And then after telling her how stressed out *I* am, I caved, and told her I would make my husband dinner, shower, pack a bag and drive there in the storm. Then I called my brother. Turns out she has been calling him anywhere from 4 to 6 times a day with all kinds of nonsense so I asked "now are you ready to talk to her with me?" But he is not quite there yet. Anyway, she let me off the hook about sleeping over, and she sounds much happier than earlier tonight. I on the other hand, just had an anxiety attack and my dinner is threatening to come up. I hope tomorrow is a better day. As always, thank you for letting me vent
survivor69
survivor69
YESTERDAY (12-10-14) I HAD A DENTAL PROCEDURE 4 A CAP.
FILLING AND TOOTH WERE CRACKED.
CANT MENTALLY CONCENTRATE 2DAY.
VERY TIRED.
HUBBY WENT 2 GROCERY STORE 4 ME.
I HAVE A GREAT HUBBY!
HE TOOK ME 2 THE DENTIST YESTERDAY.
HOPE THINGS WILL GO BETTER 4 U AND YOUR HUBBY!
GBU
D
;-[
PS. SENDING HUGS GALORE!!!!!!!!!!!! OOOOOOOOOOO