And now I'm really angry with myself for being down

Depression is very ironic, isn't it? Just when we need people the most, we push them away the hardest. It doesn't make any sense and yet that is how we are. Try to remember that none of this is your fault. It's an illness that lies to us and makes us feel responsible for our own unhappiness. But we really aren't to be blamed. The illness is to blame for all of this. I know that recently you did reach out to others about having to deal with your boyfriend's family and I thought you did a really good job of getting support. So I know that you can do it. I know that you can reach out for support when you need it. And let your doctor know that your meds. aren't working. Blessings to you and many hugs.

Your comment on your post is something I feel frequently... Why do I let things get to me, why do I allow stress to take a hold etc....
Truth is it's very difficult not to... but don't berate yourself for feeling low, we cant help it and being angry at ourselves just makes it worse...
The cycle of ups and downs for us is very common unfortunately and we have to try to accept that the dip will come.( not easy I know).
How long have you been on these meds? may need more time to work,or upping the dose??

I have been on them 2 weeks tommorow, maybe they need more time?

There are antidepressants that can take over a month to act in some people. Finding the right meds is one of the biggest challenges for us that suffer.

Pushing people away is a common trait in the depressed. I think its because we can't relate to what we are feeling, and we forget how it felt to feel good.

I hope you find the strength you need very soon.

Hey, quirkygirl, I'm sorry you're feeling this way again. It can be very disappointing, frustrating, and, if we let it be, disillusioning.

However, like lance pointed out, it can take up to one or two months to feel the relieving effects of certain meds for certain people. In my own experience, I have experienced weeks of good emotional health after starting on some anti-depressants - simply because I felt good about having some sort of recourse, and optimistic that something could be done. Once I started to feel down again, however, and unable to "bounce back," so-to-speak, then I realized they weren't working at all but that I had had an environmental lift. I don't know if this could possibly be the case for you, but anything's possible. Well, almost anything.

My other point being that I'm very, very sorry you're in pain right now. But anti-depressants, as I'm sure you know, don't "cure" depression. Taking meds doesn't mean we'll never crash again; it simply means we'll hopefully "bounce back" more quickly and more easily, and have management of the illness within our basic capacity again. Ideas such as those and learning skills to cope with our own behavior (I push people away sometimes, too :-/) are always possible, even when it doesn't feel like it anymore.

*HUGSS* quirkygirl! Hang in there. I'm sending you best wishes and hope for a good, sunny day tomorrow.

Elle

P.S.: It might be a good idea to check in with your pdoc if you're dissatisfied with meds, or at least a therapist if you're feeling like you've crashed again. It's never a bad idea to update the professionals we work with on the state of our well-being :)

Thanks for the advice. I think maybe see how today goes and I have a doctors appointment next tuesday If theres not much improvement I'll ask him about it