Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I stated cutting my first fianc told me over the phone that he had right sided heart failure and that he wasn't expected to live for more then 6 months and at the same time I was told by my mom that my big sister(the closest one to me in age) had just been diagnosed with leukemia.
I looked around me at a big house and I was all alone and I was empty inside. I had no emotions and then I get this call that is from my fianc telling me it will be the last one I will receive because he is more sick then the doctors originally thought. My love didn't make it 3 weeks and he was gone.
I didn't know what to do ...I didn't have anyone to turn to so I one day picked up some scissors and then I was hooked. I did it for a while and then my mom found out my spot so she being a counselor and a nurse told me to stop. I did for a while but then I couldn't take it anymore and I picked a spot that I could cover more easily.
At the lowest point I was on my way to a doctors appointment when I showed my mom and my legs were all cut up in total I had 144 cuts on both legs. Then when I got to the doctors office I showed her and she called in their psychologist and he asked me while the doctor gets my meds fixed do I feel safe at home alone and I said no. So they placed me in a psych ward. My doctor said it was only going to be for the weekend but I was in there for over a week and some days. It was ridiculous.
I haven't cut since the psych ward which was 6 years ago. But what I'm coming to the group now with is that I'm lonely living alone, my body hurts from the various brain surgeries I've had throughout the years(I had a traumatic brain injury when I was 4), my legs hurt and I don't know if it's do to another blood clot, (I spent 3 1/2 weeks last summer in a coma because blood clots has traveled up to my lungs), etc. But the question is how do I not go back to doing the cutting?
Anyone got any advice for me?
Loreali
I looked around me at a big house and I was all alone and I was empty inside. I had no emotions and then I get this call that is from my fianc telling me it will be the last one I will receive because he is more sick then the doctors originally thought. My love didn't make it 3 weeks and he was gone.
I didn't know what to do ...I didn't have anyone to turn to so I one day picked up some scissors and then I was hooked. I did it for a while and then my mom found out my spot so she being a counselor and a nurse told me to stop. I did for a while but then I couldn't take it anymore and I picked a spot that I could cover more easily.
At the lowest point I was on my way to a doctors appointment when I showed my mom and my legs were all cut up in total I had 144 cuts on both legs. Then when I got to the doctors office I showed her and she called in their psychologist and he asked me while the doctor gets my meds fixed do I feel safe at home alone and I said no. So they placed me in a psych ward. My doctor said it was only going to be for the weekend but I was in there for over a week and some days. It was ridiculous.
I haven't cut since the psych ward which was 6 years ago. But what I'm coming to the group now with is that I'm lonely living alone, my body hurts from the various brain surgeries I've had throughout the years(I had a traumatic brain injury when I was 4), my legs hurt and I don't know if it's do to another blood clot, (I spent 3 1/2 weeks last summer in a coma because blood clots has traveled up to my lungs), etc. But the question is how do I not go back to doing the cutting?
Anyone got any advice for me?
Loreali
I do know that the psychology behind cutting is complex. I am not a trained therapist, so I can't offer specific ideas. I do have friends here who are cutters, and I can repeat what they have told me. Some cutters get relief from snapping rubber bands on their arms. Others report luck drawing on their arm with red ball point pens.
Therapy is, IMHO, great for all of our needs. But we need to find a therapist who is a good match for what we need!
Gentle hugs.
Also, thank you for sharing what has happened in your life and your experiences with cutting. Being open like you have been can be difficult.
I think that openness will help you. My first answer to your question about how you can avoid going back to cutting is to call local therapists/doctors and look for someone with a specialty in cutting. Making all those calls will probably be time-consuming and frustrating, but each time you make a call you'll be sharing your story, and such sharing is a form a therapy in itself.
Also, each time you feel an urge, you can hop on this board and talk about it. You can also respond to other people's posts and offer them help. Asking for help and giving help to others is a good form of therapy.
I hope that you're feeling better, and please keep us up to date on this board about how you're doing.
JUST HIT A TREE WITH A BASEBALL BAT SEVERAL TIMES.
IT TAKES LESS ENERGY AND IS SAFER.
OR CUT ON A TREE WITH AN AXE.
GBU
D
;-O
Torrance
If you need to go back to being institutionalized please don't feel ashamed. I am getting really stubborn my self because I want out of the city I am in.
I think of of the reasons people cut is because they want to feel angry but sadness overcomes you. It does me I don't cut I used to burn, ( I might resort back to it again ) but know I am just sad and fluctuate between that and being angry.
Maybe start writing to people about how angry you should be at them for the either the way they treat you or things that have bothered you in the past and start handing it to them. Then start going verbal when you feel ready.