Please don't do it. Life is really hard, yes, but have hope. I know that this hope is so hard - in and of itself. Especially with no job, money... What an effect that has on your self esteem, i know this first hand. You are not alone though and it does not reflect you as a person at all. The world can be really tough to survive in, and many others are in very similar situations. Please know you are not alone - you just need to reach out for help, and you are. You deserve help towards happiness. Please call a hotline or take yourself to a mental health hospital - let them help you and maybe get you on some medication. It really does help and could literally save you. BIG BIG HUG.

I feel so stupid becasue I cancelled my dentist appointment today. Just didnt feel like i could go. I cry in the waiting room when i go and I am embarrassed. I re-scheduled it.

No need to feel stupid. Last week I was at McDonald's with my kids while I was waiting on laundry at the laundromat and I wanted so badly to be safe in my home. I was fighting with every ounce of me not to cry. Sometimes being out and seeing others feeling what I perceive to be as "normal" - makes me feel even worse than I initially was feeling. I eventually couldn't completely hold back the tears. I just begged to get through the next 30 minutes, so I could go home and just cry. I hate my kids seeing that side of me. I don't want to scare them or worry them. Depression is really, really tough. Are you on any medication?

I used to be, but I had stopped it becasue I wanted to take natural vitamins. Thereapy has been useless as well for me

I tried the same - to use natural vitamins. I have friends who are deeply rooted in holistic approaches to everything and I believe in that so much. My best friend's fiance is a chiropractor, and everything, they believe, is curable through healthy eating and herbs/vitamins. I really believe a lot of that is true, BUT, after experimenting with that route and my depression, I have come to know that I do best when I'm on my meds. My state of mind is SO important when being good to myself. I still also take my vitamins and eat healthy, etc. I imagine I will possibly teeter back and forth again, but ultimately I come back to my prozac and it really, truly does save me from myself and my painful thoughts.

I'm not telling you that you will be the same as me... just saying I can relate. It's a struggle for me to be OK with being on medication, but since I'm 2 weeks back on my own, and I'm feeling this HUGE relief of my depression - it's hard to not believe that the drugs really do work... unlike what The Verve says... :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bR8XH3R95xE

I know what it is like to have to cancel appointments b/c I'm too depressed and fear crying in public--it's fine that you canceled, and rescheduled it. I also agree w/ amazinglyapril: while natural vitamins do help *some* people with depression, it is *really* worth giving antidepressants a try. Everyone is different, of course, but antidepressants saved my life from me taking it due to severe, unending depression.There are *many* antidepressants out there; most people need to try 2 or 3 (I had to try around 12, but that's very rare) to find one that is efective for them...I'm sorry therapy has been useless to you; have you considered grief counseling instead? After losing your Mom, it might be beneficial in helping you to start to be able to heal. I know losing a deeply loved one is shattering, and devastating, and while missing your Mom can never be cured, there are options out there to help you put your life back together. You are NOT a loser--you are someone who has and is experiencing a great deal of loss, but that's not at all the same thing.Please get some help--again,I recommend trying antidepressants, as part of that help--and do keep posting to tell us what's going on. Hugs and best wishes sent out to you.xoxox

feeling lonely with my Mom and sad.

It is a terrible, indescribable feeling to lose someone you love. I lost my childhood sole guardian/ Aunt to suicide when I was 14, and the emptiness surrounding where she had been was overwhelmingly sad...Would it maybe help you to talk to us about your mom here? I would like to hear more about her, esp. if it helped or distracted you,a little, to talk about her to others.And to hear more about how and what you're doing, too.Hugs xxxx

Trayanne....sending you strength and hugs to work through these feelings. If just for today. Taking our struggles day by day is sometimes the only way to get through it. You have done it before...you can do it again. Keep holding on and reaching out.

She had cancer and treatments didnt work, so we kept her on at home hospice. I sat with her when she died. Now I feel all alone and I think she knows that i cannot go on without her. She was my best friend in the world, I have so many other people in my life, but its like I dont even care. I want her

I'm so sorry about your Mom...that is SO painful--and I'm extremely sorry that you feel so lost in the world w/out her. One thing I believe is that the people who we love and who love us never, even after they pass, ever stop loving us. So I believe that in spirit your Mom remains with you. And I disagree that she thinks, now, that you can't go on without her, I believe she wants you, her daughter, very much to go on, to live through this tragedy and loss, and return---I know how gradual it must be--to your life. I believe your mom is watching over you and rooting for you to go on.And, she wants you to be okay,again. I do, too. Please keep talking to us, if you feellike it.xoxox

I am very close to my mom as well and can not imagine the pain you are feeling. I would recommend a bereavement support group. It helped my aunt when her husband died. Also I would think your mom would not want you to do that. You seem to be going through alot in your life. I wish I had more advise but im always up to listening. Take care and let me know if you ever want to talk.

thank u all very much. Im so tired, going to get some dinner and try to go to bed early. thank u all again