don't know how or why you are so low. know this though, life is worth living. There really are a lot of things to smile about and look forward to. Memories are hard to deal with.. But, let me tell you, you can find one thing every day to make you smile. The sunset, or sunrise, the scenary watching a bird, there is plenty to smile about. With your memories, you need to tell yourself they are memories, you are not there, nothing from that time can hurt you now. You are a good person and whatever has happened to you is not your fault. Keep fighting and pushing. I know it is hard, but you can do it.

Hi April. It sounds like you keep reliving something very terrible and traumatic that happened to you. If so, then you likely have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and need to seek treatment for that. You need to learn to change your emotional reaction to those memories so they do not ruin your present life. There is a type of therapy called "eye movement desensitization and reprocessing" or EMDR that might help you. Another type of therapy that is helpful for PTSD is cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). Look into those and consider doing one of them. If you can't afford therapy, then you could study CBT on your own. There are many good self-help books on that. I hope that helps.

Lots of horrible things have happened.
And yes, I actually have DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder). I already go to a therapist, who actually has started EMDR with me.
But, quite often the memories still get overwhelming. Especially at night when I'm alone.
Thanks for the advice though.