Glad you found where you preferred to post.

"Who says it's not the answer"

Uhhh, most everyone here ... and there!!

Not sure how to go about getting you to believe that. It has been a question for thousands of years. The answer has been the same for thousands of years .. "not a good idea".

I could write volumes as to why it isn't a good idea, but I think you already know that. When things are 'that bad', we have two choices .. check out, or make it better. The latter is a much better choice ... so much better that the first choice doesn't even need a second look.

We can check out or 'fix things'. I encourage you to fix something .. now. Anything. Take your choice. Get up and go fix something. It might be sorting laundry, paying a bill, taking out the trash .. thousands of possibilities. Fix one of them, and your life has improved. Fix more of them and your life REALLY improves. Spend a lot of your time fixing things, and the rest of the time being VERY, VERY kind to yourself.

I think you will soon appreciate life and even enjoy it.

Hamlet said it best " To Be or Not to Be, That is the Question "

People have been overwhelmed with their lives for centuries I know I am most of the time my thoughts on suicide have usually come down to this, I am not going to give anyone else the satisfaction of not having me annoy them. If I have to put up with Life so do they.

I hope you don't feel like it is the only way to deal with things, It isn't.

I agree with WanderingVet: suicide is never the answer,and there are other,far better options around you.One of them is reaching out to others who will understand what you are going through---which you have already done once, by posting on D.S. A lot of us here have been severely suicidal,too,made suicide attempts, and have lived to be relieved we did not die.One very good option you have is therapy,if you are not in it already---again,just talking to someone who understands and does not judge can help.If you are not currently on an effective antidepressant(unfortunately sounds like you're not)I really recommend you see a psychiatrist or a GP who can prescribe a good one for you. The effects of antidepressants on many desperately depressed people are often lifesaving; personally I coud not survive without them.
I know making calls,finding help,can sometimes take a lot of calls and work you may not feel the energy for, but I DEEPLY encourage to do it.Suicide prevention hotlines can often refer you to counseling/psychiatry in your area,that you can afford.I know you feel without much motivation now,but all that takes,or starts with,is one call---and your life is absolutely worth saving.There's just no question about that.You need help to save it,yes, but that help is well within reach.
I know how alone you must feel, and if you ever feel like talking,I am out here.I am not a professional at all and I don't know very much, but I do care.So do others, here and elsewhere. Please hold on,and please get yourself the help you need and deserve.
Keep on posting to let us know how you're doing. My best, best wishes to you.