I think I know what you mean. I don't want to deal with my life any more either, tired of my crap life, but I have to. Nt sure why, just know that I do. People have no idea how hard it is to keep putting up with it. But keep going. Please.

Yea, I have this severe illness too, which so many people suffer from. This seems to be a tough time of year with the length of day changing and the holidays upon us. It doesn't take much to make me cry.
My oldest sister is a huge trigger for me.
Our relationship is very complex and she often acts like my father when he was drunk...a dry drunk.
Anyways, keep coming here to talk. I have had a few good mos. when I thought this could never be possible. But now I am heading back down.
Oh the day, when we treat depression like any other illness and we can talk about it without shame.
That day can't come fast enough.
God Bless you and keep you safe. mzwhelen same to you..