So over this past summer I attempted to kill myself. I was so upset with everything that was going on in my life at the time, so I thought that everyone's lives would be better without me in the future. So I wrote letters to my mom, dad, two little brothers and my best friend *Hannah (who I am madly in love with), and made preparations. Before I did it, I wanted the last voice I heard was Hannah's. So I called her and left a message on her home answering machine. (at least she could be the last one to hear my voice right?) She called me back just in time. No, really. I had the pills in my mouth and a glass of water in my hand when she called me. Naturally, she told me that I was stupid and after about 2 hours of talking, she convinced me to not kill myself.

That was July. Since then, I have had one serious attempt since then and several minimal attempts. Lately, I have been more depressed than usual. I stay awake and think that all this pain would have been avoided if I hadn't called her. She has been upset and may be becoming depressed, partially because of me. A lot of people have been upset and hurt by me, and I can't bare to live with the guilt of making people unhappy. I wish she had just waited until morning to call me back. Or had just not called me back. I want all of this to end right now. No amount of music or talking will help me. I am just so tired of this life and doing this over and over again.