hey jen. I know it's weird talking to strangers but sometimes it helps when it feels like there's no one there. I'm 17 too, and I've had to deal with phychologists and doctors and parents too, and i know it isn't easy. It's never easy. I think your dad is just "mad" because he's using anger to subconsiously try and block out the concern he has for you. My parents found out i was cutting and my dad kindove put a wall up and didn't communicate with me as much. I think he was terrified of the thought of me hurting and he just didn't know how to deal. Obviously i don't know your dad but it seems like he just doesn't want to believe that you're feeling so bad so he's using anger to hide from his true feelings. Maybe try to talk to him and explain that you need his support. No parent wants their kid to want to end their life. Also, i bet you've heard this over and over, but think about the people in your life that are important. Like your best friend maybe or other family. When ever i felt completely alone i tried to remember those who are worth living for. My boyfriend is who keeps me alive. I still suffer from depression but it's getting better. I know you said there's no one here to talk to anymore, and before i knew my boyfriend i felt the same. That's when i joined this, and it helped to get even one message from someone who cared. I know this is a kindove random message but just know that i feel for you and if you need anything, no matter how awkward it is, you can message me back anytime. stay strong girl, someday life will be worth living again.

Jenn-

Do you not feel comfortable talking to your friends? Or are you saying you dont have any friends to talk to? Life does get lonely at times and those periods of times feel like forever. However, you have to pull yourself out. It's harder then it sounds but I had depression at 19 and now im 25 and i still have my days. If your meds are helping but you hear things on them maybe try a different one? You have to talk to someone. I had a betray of trust with my parents too when i first had depression. I was so angry at them cause they asked for advice over something i was telling them. Nothing suicidal, but personal information. But I realized the only way to get through this was with people behind me and that started with my mom and dad. It wasn't easy, not at all but its a start. Would u try that?

Definitely talk to your psychologist. You need that help. Your family can sometimes help, but most of the time it's better talking to a professional about it. Don't keep it inside, no matter what happens.

Go to your appointment, it will help. I'd tell you to start taking your medication again but that is up to you, I don't take anything but I feel that I can manage my depression most of the time. Try talking to people, trust me I know it is hard, most of the time I tell people to guess and then I agree when they are right, makes me feel so much better...

If you go out and do anything to harm yourself, all it will really do is show you run away from things. Life is not something to run away from, it's something to learn from. I'm depressed, unmedicated, and I've don'e some stupid stuff to myself. All it really does is gives me proof that I don't think I can handle it. You should see your psychologist, and talk. Let things out. If you keep anything locked up at all, it will only add more stuff into your already , I presume, crowded mind. You probably have a lot going on in your head, am i right? I know i do >.< Just find a way to get it out. Write, listen to music you can relate to (No suicidal stuff, it just makes it worse). I know it's hard to talk to others, they never seem to understand, but someimes they will pretend they do. And sometimes, that will help, just a little. I have been sort of in your shoes, but without the medication/ psychologist, i am still there. But I am starting to get a handle on it. And I have all the hope that you will find a way to get ahold of your emotions as well. Even just a little. It always helps.