I still can't get over my long distance ex. Its been a few months since she and I ended, but I still think of all the good times that I had with her, if you can truly call them that. I felt trapped and worthless in the relationship, it seemed like every time that there was a problem with our relationship it was blamed on me, that every argument that she and I had was all my fault and that I started the argument, every time that I tried to have a social life outside of her it was filled with arguments and depression. Every time that I was away, the worst things seemed to happen. I never felt trusted in the relationship, and I felt like that she made me the crutch to hold her up for every little depressing thing that happened to her. She stated once that I was the reason why she kept on living, the reason why she didn't kill herself. I couldn't sleep at normal times because she always was awake and wanted to talk to me 24/7. I could never get a break from her, and I always felt black mailed, forced, or required to do every thing with her. I ended up cheating on her, because I couldn't take the pressure that I kept getting from her, I still regret cheating on her because it made me the person I hate and the person I never wanted to be. I never wanted to be like a lot of my ex's who mainly cheated on me in the end. In the end, she cheated on me, and lost her virginity with another guy, meanwhile I have kept my virginity waiting for the day we met and may have actually been together in person as opposed to over 700 miles or so. :/ it ended because she then thought she was pregnant and wanted me to be the father, which later turned out that she wasn't and the guy never actually had sex with her, but I couldn't take it anymore. She still ended up losing her virginity to that guy and then went through a relationship spree that also ended up with her doing it multiple times. :/ meanwhile I made a half assed attempt to date online again but that didn't end well. Now she is back in my life and wants to date me again. She hasn't changed much, she is still the same person, same situation, and same depression. I still love her, but I don't want to go through it all again, but i also don't want to depress her. :/ This all has been confusing me, hurting me, and depressing me to the point of tears. Every time I end up talking to her I go into a deeper depression and a lot of the time break down in tears afterwards. That relationship feels like it has scarred me for life, I am slightly scared to date again and open up again. I am scared that I am going to end up getting hurt again if I start dating again, but I hate being alone, and I want affection in my life since I never really had affection from my family, or my friends. I don't want to end up being alone for the rest of my life because of it, but I can't get over it. It won't let me move on and live my life. I just feel like she is the reason why I became so depressed during my junior year, and that it has allowed me to get easily depressed at the slightest things that used to have only a little effect on me. :/ I just don't know what to say or do anymore. I want to move on from this, so that I can actually try to date again without fear. That I can actually try to work toward happiness and a better life.