Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
I need a place to cry, your shoulders are all my resting place. This horrible depression has gotten him down and drowning in it for about 6 weeks with hardly a breath of fresh air. Normally he comes out of it for periods of time like a day or two.... Lately I've been getting like 30 min every couple weeks. He came up for fresh air last week and woke me up to tell me he loves me. It was like he escaped and wanted me to relish in his joy with him. Then we woke up in the morning and I honestly wonder if he forgot that he said he loved me and held me close and cuddled during the night.
Yesterday... We went to the beach and we walked and talk for a couple hours. It was sad discussion about things he feels are getting him down and what would actually help him... It was great though. Extremely positive and productive for me to learn more of what's been going on in his head. We held hands and collected seashells, we threw rocks and marveled at the pelicans... It was a wonderful heartfelt day.
On the way home he began to fall back down into the pit I depression. I couldn't believe it... So fast! So quick! He couldn't stay above water. We got dinner and came home. We enjoyed and we looked online at a house for sale in our neighborhood (I know I've said this before but he wants to move away, but the stress of that overwhelms him so he though if we could stay in our neighborhood but be in a house rather than a studio that would be great!) well... It's way to rich for our blood!! My entire salary would go to mortgage and hes not working. He was so angry and fell into a deep pit of despair!!! It went badly. He has stated today " I give up, I will just follow you.". I don't know what to do. We discuss moving we discuss staying we decided to stay one more year to save more money then move to a town of his choice. He says he can't deal with it anymore. He has given up. If we live here in this studio forever under these circumstances then oh well.
I do NOT want that!!! So he told me to decide and do it and he will follow. I just want to force him to talk with me about this but he won't. He is too upset and angry. And I know truly it's best to let him calm down and relax and so that's why I'm here. I need a hug, a meaningful hug and I need to tell my story and I need people to care and listen. I know you guys always do :) I know often it's great for me to hear your stories because I feel more connected. I always appreciate talking with you guys and I just wish I could sit and cry for hours. I have to be the strong one... There is nothing worse for his mood an therefore for us when I am not.
I need to be strong for him, for us.
But you guys know the actual turmoil and toll this is taking on me.
Thanks to whoever took the time to read... Thank you :)
Yesterday... We went to the beach and we walked and talk for a couple hours. It was sad discussion about things he feels are getting him down and what would actually help him... It was great though. Extremely positive and productive for me to learn more of what's been going on in his head. We held hands and collected seashells, we threw rocks and marveled at the pelicans... It was a wonderful heartfelt day.
On the way home he began to fall back down into the pit I depression. I couldn't believe it... So fast! So quick! He couldn't stay above water. We got dinner and came home. We enjoyed and we looked online at a house for sale in our neighborhood (I know I've said this before but he wants to move away, but the stress of that overwhelms him so he though if we could stay in our neighborhood but be in a house rather than a studio that would be great!) well... It's way to rich for our blood!! My entire salary would go to mortgage and hes not working. He was so angry and fell into a deep pit of despair!!! It went badly. He has stated today " I give up, I will just follow you.". I don't know what to do. We discuss moving we discuss staying we decided to stay one more year to save more money then move to a town of his choice. He says he can't deal with it anymore. He has given up. If we live here in this studio forever under these circumstances then oh well.
I do NOT want that!!! So he told me to decide and do it and he will follow. I just want to force him to talk with me about this but he won't. He is too upset and angry. And I know truly it's best to let him calm down and relax and so that's why I'm here. I need a hug, a meaningful hug and I need to tell my story and I need people to care and listen. I know you guys always do :) I know often it's great for me to hear your stories because I feel more connected. I always appreciate talking with you guys and I just wish I could sit and cry for hours. I have to be the strong one... There is nothing worse for his mood an therefore for us when I am not.
I need to be strong for him, for us.
But you guys know the actual turmoil and toll this is taking on me.
Thanks to whoever took the time to read... Thank you :)
I like reading your posts because a lot of what you say is a lot of what I feel. It seems so often lately that my husband is down and when he is happy and with me it is so wonderful but Bam! just like that it can change. Not even for a reason, it just changes.
I wonder about tomorrow, too. About next month. Will he make us, me and my son, leave. Will he decide that I am the cause like he says sometimes, then he will push me away.
But, tomorrow is another day, we will be strong. We will come back here when we need to. ((HUG)) to you.
Yesterday after I posted he wanted to go to the store, he wanted to go alone. He texted me after he was in the car and said I could go too if i wanted to. I went... I try to appease him 100% when he is like this... I dont want to rile him up. We started driving... Someone sped around him on a neighborhood road (about 2 blocks from home) he slammed on the gas and the horn. He pulled a u-turn and sped home yelling and cursing the whole time. I didn't say a word. He backed into the driveway. He got out of the car and slammed the door, he went inside and I stayed out in the car trying to relax and definitely not cry. I came inside and he was packing to move away. I asked where he would go... He said until he ran out of gas (remember he has no money, no job, no family or friends out here). So... He is packing. He stops and cries and hugs me. We hug and he cries for the next hour. He "hates the people here.". He admitted he realizes that this might not change by moving... People are people. We went to the store, I bought stuff for us but really for him... We bought dinner and came home. I skipped class for this... I realized after the packing it was definitely not the night to go to class and leave him. He got better... Not good but better.
Today is bad... The tv had trouble while I was at work. They didn't help on customer service. Then we went to the grocery store and a lady pulled up to close for him to see the lane... This angers him. She in all honesty didn't do anything wrong but it upset him. Then we went to the comic book store... His least favorite employee works nights... He was there. We had to leave he can't deal with him. He asked me about yoga... Why haven't I gone? When I go he is jealous and gives me a hard time asking me to stay with him. I don't go and he is shocked I'm not going because I love it. Him asking just threw me over the edge tonight. I miss yoga. I miss life. I miss not walking on eggshells.
I am having a hard time not crying. Im trying to be "normal" but it is so hard. I just want to scream at him!
"Do you know how lucky you are?! I buy everything I support you! I clean, I cook, I work full time, I go to school full time!". I ask NOTHING of him except to talk to me and be my friend... Apparently that is too much sometimes... Like now :(.
Argh... I don't mean to be this petty. I am just so drained and worn out. How exhausting can this get? How much more exhausted can I get before I just pass out.
Sigh
I am SO tired!
I can't imagine his exhaustion! But I can't help but think I would be really nice to the person who takes care of me...
Is your husband in counseling and on meds? Is he mean or just sad and withdrawn? Has he been this way for most of your six years? I am just trying to understand more so you and I can help each other more.
I am trying so hard to remember... remember before. Remember what made me fall so deeply in love with this man. I have never felt like this for any other man. I had been married before and then was with my son's father for 4 years before my son came a long, I never married him. But my husband now... everything, just everything clicked and now it is like aliens took him and put a replacement here. Do you have a time you can remember? Where you can remember what made you fall in love so deeply with him? Something you can hold on to, maybe someday go back to?
My husband had been married two times before, the last one was for 18 years. He said his marriage was over for about the last 10 years of it. He said he did not suffer from depression prior. So, I understand the feelings of, "is it me?" He came home from counseling a couple times ago and said that his therapist said I was a lot to blame for his depression, mine said that probably is not what was said. He said she told him I was smothering him. I didn't understand, I still don't. Everything i do, did, was thing that we both had cherished about our relationship before. I really want to go with him, get the real story from his therapist. I thought they were supposed to help hold it together. I know though, it is NOTHING I have done. So, my point is... it is not your fault. Do try to go back to yoga, maybe even do it at home? It will help you.
As I said in the other post... here when you need me to listen, compair, just to vent to or cry to.
I knew my husband before I knew he had depression, he was wonderful... loving, affectionate, open. He truly is like another man right now. I think I draw my strength from what was...
Please... remember the one thing I did say Datingdepression... about going to your own counselor. That will really help you in deciding the path you want to follow. It is not easy and if I didn't love my husband with all my heart and soul I know I couldn't make it through.
Now, I know he is more comfortable with me... More comfortable with me than anyone at all... So I get to see it all the time and he hides it for others. Often it comes off as a joke with others around but I know it is serious.
He isn't mean.. He is just very withdrawn and I can easily aggravate him when he is like this.
He doesn't go to counseling... We have tried a few times to get him in but they want to put him on meds instantly which he is completely against. I'm okay with him not on meds... But I wish we could find someone for him to talk to on a regular basis that would help.
So... Here we are. The thing I have learned in my time on this site and through the connections I have made is that this monster of depression isn't leaving. It was so scary when it truly hit me in the face that that's what the people here were informing me of. But once I got past that I realized I had to change. I have completely changed how I deal with him and this. We used to go through huge problems during his worst times. I would be talking to him an begging him to "get better.". Through the wonderful people here I have learned he needs me to be strong so that he may too. Over the past few weeks it was the worst bought of depression he's had in about 6 months... But 6 months ago I cried and begged and lost all my cool and calm self. I joined this site... It helped.
So now a new terrible round for him and I haven't let him see it affect me once. It has... As you guys now. But he hasn't seen it.. I've been here as a silent rock for him. To talk to when he needs it, to cry to, tobe a friend. It has been so much better for us and has helped him not escalate more than he needs to.
Hopefully it will keep getting easier as I continue to grow and learn. And having a place to vent has been the ultimate support I could ever ask for!
I don't know how today will be... I am hoping it will be a lowly Saturday with smiles... For each and everyone of us :)
Right now he is in the other room, he is having a bad day today. We had one and half good ones, now a bad one. The good ones seem to be coming a bit more again.
Seeing that this is helping you gives me a little more strength to try harder to not let him see how it is getting to me.
Someone on here when I first joined told me that it was like I broke my leg and I need help.... But I am going to my partner who has two broken legs to get the help.
I have never forgotten that! She was absolutely right!! I come here for my support with this. You guys get me through.... He just physically and emotionally cannot.
I wish he could help at times... But at least having that thought in my head helps me not be upset that he cannot