Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
My fiance has been dealing with anxiety and depression for a few years now. His first big episode was while he was in school as an engineering student. He had to get medically excused from his classes and had the rest of the semester to recuperate.
However, he now has been an engineer for almost two years. His depression started to get really bad about two months ago (we are getting married in three weeks). Around two months ago it seemed that everything was dropped on his plate. Work got extremely busy with deadlines and intense projects, he started teaching at our local community college two nights a week, he was working on sound production of a short film which had an upcoming deadline, and we were planning our wedding. He had no spare time and was always doing something.
It wore him down. He now is too the point where we have been to two different doctors trying to start him on medication. The medication is not quick acting however...and it seems that he is getting worse and worse.
He now is starting to have suicidal thoughts because he can't handle feeling this depressed all time. He just wants it to stop and thinks that no one can help him.
I am trying to be as supportive and caring as I possibly can but I feel that I am at the end of my rope. I don't know what else I can do. I want to help him feel better.
He's now missed 5-6 days of work. Luckily his boss seems to be understanding of the situation, but I'm afraid that only goes so far. He is our primary income, insurance, etc. Which also adds to the stress. He feels trapped and that he can't quit even if he wanted to. (which he does).
I don't know what I can do. Does anyone have any advice? We are desperate....
I want him to enjoy our wedding and honeymoon. Right now he can barely get out of bed. I want to help him stabilize before then.
However, he now has been an engineer for almost two years. His depression started to get really bad about two months ago (we are getting married in three weeks). Around two months ago it seemed that everything was dropped on his plate. Work got extremely busy with deadlines and intense projects, he started teaching at our local community college two nights a week, he was working on sound production of a short film which had an upcoming deadline, and we were planning our wedding. He had no spare time and was always doing something.
It wore him down. He now is too the point where we have been to two different doctors trying to start him on medication. The medication is not quick acting however...and it seems that he is getting worse and worse.
He now is starting to have suicidal thoughts because he can't handle feeling this depressed all time. He just wants it to stop and thinks that no one can help him.
I am trying to be as supportive and caring as I possibly can but I feel that I am at the end of my rope. I don't know what else I can do. I want to help him feel better.
He's now missed 5-6 days of work. Luckily his boss seems to be understanding of the situation, but I'm afraid that only goes so far. He is our primary income, insurance, etc. Which also adds to the stress. He feels trapped and that he can't quit even if he wanted to. (which he does).
I don't know what I can do. Does anyone have any advice? We are desperate....
I want him to enjoy our wedding and honeymoon. Right now he can barely get out of bed. I want to help him stabilize before then.
Honestly, the first thing I'd do is look at his schedule and cut what he can from it. Delegate! Pass the community college class off to a sub for two weeks, give up the sound production to someone else, cut out his involvement with the (smaller, uncritical) details of the wedding. Whatever it takes to create some "space" around him.
Then, since he is taking days out anyway, get him out of the house and into a new environment for a day or two....personally, I'd go to on a hike or to the beach or somewhere with minimal people and lots of nature. But maybe his place is a museum or something.
And just be in the moment with him. When he starts freaking out, just say that everything is taken care of and it will be there when he is ready for it. Everything will be ok because you two are getting ready to start a beautiful life together and you are going to support him through this rocky time (for better or worse, right?).
If it were me in his situation and I was so overwhelmed with life that I was shutting down, that is exactly what I hope my Beloved would do for me.
You two are doing all the right things to help him through, going to doctors and getting on meds, take comfort in that. Maybe get a blood test to see if his vitamin D is low...that's an easy fix and can make a huge difference.
And on the flip side, don't forget to take care of yourself!
Good luck and blessings...and congratulations on your wedding!