The OCD - He is a germaphobe, and gets angry (often yelling and belittling) and upset when I forget to take my shoes off at the door, touch something that he deems dirty - because its gross and because I might make him sick bringing in a contagion.  He says that he can't get sick because he doesn't have time to miss work (only works 20 hours a week if that, and I work 40+). I never try to bring in things that might bother him, it's usually an accident or simply forgetfulness.  

 

Yesterday the OCD of me wearing shoes into his car that were previously (days ago) on my feet at the gym threw him off big time.  He said he was having a good day until he saw me and noticed my shoes. He constantly talks about killing himself because either I drive him crazy, or because he has no friends, no money, etc.  This is very hard for me to hear over and over.  I try to empathize, and suggest getting help because he doesn't need to feel this way. I want him to be happy. I've done research for him to see a therapist, but he never makes the call. 

 

Another big issue we have is that he does not feel sexually satisfied. 3+ years ago, he came out to me about his fetish for serving women. It first I played along, asking him to do chores, he liked it - would masturbate in front of me, or sometimes it would lead to sex. That hasn't happened in a long time. We haven't had "normal" sex for a really long time.  If we do, he always needs me to talk him through scenarios that involve serving my friends, mom, etc.  I have repeatedly voiced that I am not comfortable with it. Sometimes I go along with it for a while, then I change my tone and get really pissed about it and tell him that I can't talk like that anymore.  He gets angry and says that he really wants/needs to fulfill this in real life with someone. When I don't give in for a while, he watches fetish style porn so he doesn't "bother" me. I've asked to go to counseling especially for this, sometimes he talks like he might do it, but on other days he says things like, "no, I like this fantasy and I don't want it to go away" even though it's very clear that I'm not into it. 

 

When his work load drops, he gets very upset and wonders why he is doing what he's doing for work, life, etc. He admits to not wanting to do any other type of work, but doesn't know why he can't change. To me, this comes off a little selfish, since almost everyone I know has to have a "day-job" in order to survive. Then it goes to suicide talk. 

 

In-between, there are days where everything is good, we go out for walks, see live music, work-out. Usually he apologizes for blowing up at me within a day. He makes me laugh and I do love him and he is a very very talented musician, but I know I can't be doing this for another 5 years if he is not willing to put in the work to be a team. I want to eventually buy a house, start a family, and I can't support all of that on my own dime and mental state. I don't know what to do anymore.