Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
So hubs quit drinking again...its been 7 days. He also is now regularly in therapy every week. He also pays the ills and we were quite behind apparently - I did not know this - the cars. He tells me he messed up planning and he knew he was overspending and we neede dto get caught up. I took a withdrawl from my pension of 3K told him keep $500 for something we need it for in October. He paiys everything and we are wiped OUT. Sigh. I do not get paid for 11 more days. He does not get paid for 3 1/2 more weeks. Literally we will be overdrawn Monday. Why? becuase the IDIOT paid not only what was behind on the cars, but also what was currently due - which was not due till MID-OCTOBER. Sigh. How was this man a successful accountant at one time? how I ask?
I also checked teh overspending. He spent $2K on just beer and comics in August alone. I was afraid to look at June and July. I have always wondered why its so tight when I make 20K more than I did 3 years ago...and I have cut out many things like a cell phone bill (my work pays for one for me), I drive a cheap Focus now, my kid gets his clothes from Goodwill, etc.
I get that it happens but my god these last 6 months when he was not in therapy (not his fault - the office closed and he had to fin a new one) and was drinking and all. He is a pain in the you know what right now too. The no drinking has him in withdrwal so he's VERY narcisisstic and all about him and his emotions, the new therapist is getting to knwo him and I think its a good fit but he's is the "I am going to cut out my family becuase they cause me to feel bad about myself" mode. Which when the therapist gets to knwo him more she will see that he is a huge part of the problem - they are not as bad as he makes them out to be and they have been trying the last 10 years.
UGH I am tired of pawing things to keep afloat. I want to trust him and he butches theat I do not but how can I?
We do fine for months with the money and then he has a 3-4 month stretch of this that breaks us. It kills me. I am 43 - we can;t keep doing this? How will we afford retirement in 20 years? That is not that far away. He thinks he will be dead and it won;t matter any way. I think he iwll still be around becuase as much as he says that and acts that way, he hasn't done it yet in 35 years of thinking about it and threatening it...(since he was 10).
Just ranting...I knwo some of you have the same problems on here. I know some will say leave, take over the money, give him an allowance, yeah whatever. I have tried all that. I know I am the only one who can change the situation. I am not looking for advice, Just some support and empathy I guess.
Thanks for listenting.
I also checked teh overspending. He spent $2K on just beer and comics in August alone. I was afraid to look at June and July. I have always wondered why its so tight when I make 20K more than I did 3 years ago...and I have cut out many things like a cell phone bill (my work pays for one for me), I drive a cheap Focus now, my kid gets his clothes from Goodwill, etc.
I get that it happens but my god these last 6 months when he was not in therapy (not his fault - the office closed and he had to fin a new one) and was drinking and all. He is a pain in the you know what right now too. The no drinking has him in withdrwal so he's VERY narcisisstic and all about him and his emotions, the new therapist is getting to knwo him and I think its a good fit but he's is the "I am going to cut out my family becuase they cause me to feel bad about myself" mode. Which when the therapist gets to knwo him more she will see that he is a huge part of the problem - they are not as bad as he makes them out to be and they have been trying the last 10 years.
UGH I am tired of pawing things to keep afloat. I want to trust him and he butches theat I do not but how can I?
We do fine for months with the money and then he has a 3-4 month stretch of this that breaks us. It kills me. I am 43 - we can;t keep doing this? How will we afford retirement in 20 years? That is not that far away. He thinks he will be dead and it won;t matter any way. I think he iwll still be around becuase as much as he says that and acts that way, he hasn't done it yet in 35 years of thinking about it and threatening it...(since he was 10).
Just ranting...I knwo some of you have the same problems on here. I know some will say leave, take over the money, give him an allowance, yeah whatever. I have tried all that. I know I am the only one who can change the situation. I am not looking for advice, Just some support and empathy I guess.
Thanks for listenting.
I know how it is to hear the suggestions and to feel sick of them. Does your husband feel this way too? Does he get tired of solutions to problems and suggestions?
Mine does!
I've ironically gotten really good at listening and not constantly providing what I feel are good answers and good suggestions... He doesn't seem to care.
I actually think it angers him more because now he can't get angry with me. This is infuriating! It truly drives me crazy!!
The money is a problem for us too, I understand. Ours is a different situation and it's still a problem too... Nothing works unless you "force" it to work... And of course this causes the depression to be worse than ever.
He has ZERO access to my money. I never planned on him not working, it was never agreed to... So yes it's my money.
I pay everything and I don't give him even $1.00 ever.
But his obsessions kick in, his sadness overwhelms us both and I know that a comic will give us 2 happy days. I know a new controller for his gaming system will create a happy weekend. Often times I give into these things because I can't deal with his extreme depression. It is a bandaid for the time being for us. And in that moment it is SO worth it!!
Then of course in the end it isn't... I am upset that I can't focus on me and my needs and my financial situation and stability. I anger myself with that.
But I still continue to do it... Different situation same outcome... I understand.
This road is hard. It gets really rocky sometimes. I hope you are well and happy right now :)