Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
I don’t even know where to start...my partner and I got engaged 2 February’s ago. Shortly after, he could no longer return to his job as a first responder. He had to deal with some pretty messed up things that left him seriously depressed and anxious. It’s been a year and a half of doctors visits, antidepressants, isolating behavior, counseling, and so on. I have fought tooth and nail to support my partner. I have been his voice, corresponding with everyone to get him help. Coming to his appointments when he is anxious. Ensuring him that his situation is nothing to be ashamed about and that I am here to help him in any way he needs. Cancelling our wedding plans and never bringing it up to avoid added stress. Running all of the household errands and doing most of the chores. I have been to counselors to try and keep myself sane. I have been to his counselors to make sure what I am doing is supporting him and to better understand how he is feeling. I have been to almost all social events with family and friends alone so he doesn’t have to stress about them. I love this man to death. Before this all happened we were planning on buying a home and starting a family. I would do anything for him. He is a good man who has experienced some awful things.
His depression is improving, but our relationship is... hurt? I am trying so hard to improve things...I don’t even know what is broken. I have taken him on adventures, planned date nights, set aside my frustrations to avoid making him unhappy and tried to be intimate with him even though I get shut down every time. He seems disinterested in me. I don’t feel like he loves me like he used to anymore. I have asked him about it and he told me it doesn’t feel like we sync anymore. He loves me and wants to be with me but is frustrated we are always annoyed with eachother. I must annoy him, but I cannot recall when he has annoyed me. I feel so heartbroken. I feel like he might be with me out of guilt because I stuck by his side. He never tells me how much I mean to him, how excited he is to make me his wife one day...I never hear anything that makes me feel valued.
i am to the point now where I don’t know if sticking this out is worth the pain I am feeling. I am so lonely. It would be excruciating to leave him because I want this relationship to work more than anything. I don’t know what to do and my days are consumed by all of this...how the hell did things go from discussions of family plans to this...
It's awful to feel like you're abandoning someone when they need you most, but at the same time you're sacrificing yourself to help someone else and it feels like we are getting nothing in return. It sounds like you have gone above and beyond with understanding, support, and love. It's really hard when that is used to start arguments or isn't appreciated at all. I know the feeling!
I really hope things continue to improve and that you guys get back on track with your wedding plans. My therapist has told me that in times when his depression is triggered and his symptoms are taking him over, it's important to practice self care. I've been trying to spend as much time with friends and family as I can. Joining this group and knowing that other people can understand my feelings has been really helpful too. I'm thinking about starting yoga or meditation classes because my own anxiety has gotten worse with his depression. I just don't know what to do or how to act and it's making me feel crazy! Try to find some positive things to focus on for yourself - even though I know it might feel like spending any time on ourselves is time taken away from caring for them.
Good luck with anything - I'm here if you want to talk :)